The list continues.......

This is part of the list that I have posted in my Facebook account, as a reminder to myself for all the things and people that I am grateful for in my life. I have also added a few more interesting stuff to the list as I felt 25 is just too..... little......

Here goes...... The 25 random information about me continues~

1. I love my mom; she's my reason for who I am today

2. I feel truly blessed to have a group of lovely ladies to be there for me thru sadness, break-ups, happiness & celebrations. Our friendship will certainly walk further and hopefully til the end of our time on earth.

3. I am a person who believes in the power of meditation because I have experienced the miracles and changes in myself.

4. I used to be a timid girl who hides behind mummy (see-no-touch kind); now I am comfortable giving public speeches and doing presentations & workshops.

5. I have never regretted any of my decisions in life to be who I am today. I've learned from my mistakes and am always striving to improve myself in many ways.

6. The only thing I have regretted in my life is not being the daughter that I should have been to my daddy and nothing in this world is able to amend that.

7. The proudest moments was when I represented my country in an International beauty pageant and made my parents glow with pride and happiness.

8. I thank god for giving me a mom who loves me and was always there to support me and dad who used to provide me with guidance and advices to be a better person, a successful trainer and a great presenter.

9. I love to read and have a secret fantasy of owning a library full of BOOKS! This library will also have a cozy corner where there will be a soft red couch with lots of fluffy & colorful pillows for me to relax with my BOOKS^_^

10. My passion is dancing. I have been taking dance classes for the longest time. I used to take rhythmic gymnastics when I was in school then hip-hop classes with a Japanese dance instructor. Now I’m taking Ballroom Latin & Salsa lessons… currently Pole Dancing has been added to the list!

11. When I dance, I am able to express and let-out my inner soul. Every cell in my body will be in tune with the music and the world is forgotten.

12. I felt a little silly doing this 25 random thingy, but then again, I’ve learnt the hard way that life is too short to be worried about appearing silly. Just go with the flow and do whatever seems right and whatever that will bring happiness to me and to the people in my life.

13. I have a secret fantasy to own a café someday ^_^ on a beautiful island facing the sea..

14. My other passion in my life is "Training". I feel utmost satisfaction when I know I have shared a skill or knowledge that will help someone alter or change their life for the better.

15. I feel the world needs more compassion

16. I want to be more involved in charities and have a dream that someday I would be able to teach orphans the art of dancing, then organizing a mini concert for them to show their talent to the public.

17. I love the sound of laughter and wish that people around me will laugh more!There is nothing more important than HAPPINESS in life.

18. I am getting truly tired of complication and greediness of the world. I feel simplicity would make life happier….

19. I am searching for the true reason for my existent in this world.

20. I am hoping to be married someday to someone who shares my passions and build a lovely family with him.

21. Honestly, I have only been in 1 relationship so far in my life.

22. I disrespect the lack of integrity and 2-timing in a relationship. There is nothing more important than respect and honesty in a relationship.

23. I enjoy pampering myself and strive to look good everyday. Feminine, simple yet elegant is my dressing style.

24. I love watching Sex & the City and secretly wished to have abs like Sarah Jessica Parker!

25. At last I have reached #25, and I wish to have more than 25 because I have walked a long journey in life to be where I am now and 25 is not enough! Seriously, I am only halfway thru!

26. So I will be adding a few more as this is my personal space and that's my advantage :) Which leads to #26 - I love doing things my own way if possible as I hate limitations and rules sometimes. Which is why I could rebel if freedom is taken away from me. The nasty side of me ^_^

27. Currently, I am learning how to be more lady and feminine as I grew up idolizing my superwoman mother, who works and takes care of the family like a man!

28. I hope to learn how to like my job again......compromising as and when needed!

29. I still wanna have my own business someday and believe that I will... especially one that allows me to work with kids!

30. I have stopped going to clubs so often and learnt to take good care of myself, preserving what is left of my youth and hoping it will prolong til I'm a grandma!

Bro's Graduation Day!

Bro's Convocation @ Wisma MCA on the 15th March 2009.
Congratulations and all the best in your future undertakings!
Welcome to the world of working adults ^_^


As I witnessed him walking to claim his graduation award, my heart filled with joy and happiness. I am definitely proud of his academic achievements. My one and only brother, my flesh and blood.

I Certainly Made a Difference

I am only one,
But I can be the one,
Who can make a difference?
To change someone’s perception,
Guidance to build a better life;
With just a small gesture,
A little compassion,
A gift of love and laughter,
Most of all;
A promise delivered,
I certainly made a difference.

Most of the time, while fulfilling our daily chores and responsibilities, we may ended up lost or misdirected from our core purposes in life. If you have already found your purpose in life, I congratulate you but if you have not, I suggest you to think thoroughly and find out what is your purpose in life. It is your mission in life; through your passion that will bring you inner happiness and your soul utmost satisfaction.

The past few days have been packed with activities and travelling that swayed me a little away from my mission. I was slightly lost today. Not physically but mentally.

Always, whenever I am lost or in need of directions in life, I would sit in a quiet corner in my house and release my thoughts through meditation. Always, I would find my way back on track. This time I even thought of the above poem during meditation.

The above poem is to reflect on my satisfaction of keeping my promise to a six year old boy named Gabriel. He may not remember the difference between number seven and nine, but he certainly remembered I promised to return the following week to see him. He was so pleased and cheerful when he told me “Oh! You didn’t bluff me! You came back.”

Honestly, I felt so contented that I have made a slight difference in that little boy’s life. He certainly made my day and inspired me to continue pursuing my passion.

It takes just a simple yet genuine gesture to make someone happy. I could have easily forgotten the promise I made and the boy would just move on in life thinking the world is cruel and filled with liars.

Think for a moment;

How many times have you made a promise to someone and conveniently forgotten to deliver?
A promise made to your mom that you would bring her for a nice outing? Or a promise made to your family that you would spend more time with them?
A promise made to your children that you would spend Sunday afternoon with a game or two of Monopoly? Or a promise made to your little children that you would read a bedtime story?
A promise made to your spouse that you would love her/him for a lifetime? Or a promise made to your lover to protect and care for her/him?

Notice that I did not include material promise? Material promises will not bring permanent happiness but short term satisfaction. Only genuine promises from the heart will create the warmth and wonderful feeling of love when it is delivered as promised. I promise you that this will definitely make a difference in your life as well.

Four Great Friends, a Dinner & Men Interrogation!

Today is definitely a wonderful day as I get to catch up with three of my best friends over delicious steamboat at Taman Desa. Reasonable price plus clean environment were definitely other plus points!

We chatted for almost 3 hours about work, friends and men. We still need to have men as one of the main topic as it is a time for us to reveal troubled thoughts about men; wonder why some men are behaving in such ways that we do not understand and believe we never will. Almost resembling scenes from ‘Sex & the City’ girls’ talk; minus the extreme sex talk!

Well, are men really from Mars and women from Venus? I believe to a certain extend it is true because the author of the book would not have made up the whole concept blindly. There is also another book titled ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ by Sherry Argov which is another version of ‘Men are from Mars and Women from Venus’. Only this book is authored by a women and stating points from a women’s point of view.

The word ‘BITCH’ here is not referring to women who are mean or cruel but strong women who has her own identity and is secure with who she is, women who are clear about what she will or will not accept and not afraid to back away at the slightest whiff of disrespect.

Although some principles shared in the book are great ideas but mostly are just entertaining and fun to read. I always believe that when two people get together, the most important effort is communication, trust and respect. Without any of the three would spell disaster for the relationship. Of course, saying is always easier than truly implementing it into our relationships.

As for me, my dear friends have made me realized that it is the fear of being abandon again that stopped me from fully committing into a relationship. I do believe that if a man is patience enough to guide and regain my confidence and beliefs in love, I would certainly let my guard down. Afterall, I am a person who wants romance and always believe in fairy tale endings. I grew up with Cinderella and Snow White, like them I am waiting for my hero and knight in shining armor to rescue me!

**If you happen to be rolling your eyes at this moment, I would like to enlighten your goodself that having fantasies are absolutely healthy for your mind & soul**

Anyway, I know I need to overcome this fear. Every time I thought I am able to, some incidents might come up and dragged me back into my cocoon. Sigh.

Don’t misunderstand; I am an independant woman and I am also not a woman who believes in playing the field or dating different partners at the same time before choosing the right one to settle down. It is not easy for me to have the 'spark' or some may call it ‘chemistry’ with a guy. I admit I am attracted to smart, intelligent gentlemen rather than looks or how deep or large his bank account or accounts!

When a guy has nothing to flaunt but his money, I will not be shy to tell him to keep his money to take care of himself and not to bother dangling it in front of me as I don’t respond to that! Some people truly thinks money can buy anything in this world!
**This phrase is commented with eyes rolling and a taste of disgust**

One example is the 4 Cs’ that some “SMART” people have come up with; Credit Cards, Cars, Carat, Comics? Clueless maybe! Or Cartoons! **Laughs**

I have dated rich guys with imported sports cars and good looking as well but don’t have a clue on where the conversation was heading to. I mean, I was the one who doesn’t have a clue on what and where the conversation was heading too. Sigh. That’s the biggest turn off of the century! I better stop commenting on such men as I know I am going to sound bitchy about the whole topic.

I have also dated guys who are thoughtful, caring, smart and intelligent plus truly 100% gentlemen and know how to treat a lady with respect. Guys whom I respect in return and enjoy being in their company.

So, why am I still feeling insecure?
Maybe the answer would be to let go of ‘thinking’ too much and just concentrate and appreciate the present moment, the moment of being rescued and protected by my 'hero', especially since I can almost feel the warmth engulfing my heart.

Anyway, it was a wonderful evening spent with the girls and I am glad to have taken the initiative to gather the girls for tonight. Once again, I stressed on how blessed to have great friends in my life!

Seven Pounds

Seven Pounds is a 2008 film, directed by Gabriele Muccino.Will Smith stars as a man who sets out to change the lives of seven people.

Here is the story of the movie:

Two years ago Tim Thomas (Will Smith) was in a car crash, which was caused by him using his mobile phone; seven people died: six strangers and his fiancée, Sarah Jenson (Robinne Lee).
A year after the crash, and having quit his job as an aeronautical engineer, Tim donates a lung lobe to his brother, Ben (Michael Ealy), an IRS employee. Six months later he donates part of his liver to a child services worker named Holly (Judyann Elder). After that he begins searching for more candidates to receive donations. He finds George (Bill Smithrovich), a junior hockey coach, and donates a kidney to him, and then donates bone marrow to a young boy named Nicholas (Quintin Kelley).
Two weeks before he dies he contacts Holly and asks if she knows anyone who deserves help. She suggests Connie Tepos (Elpidia Carrillo), who lives with an abusive boyfriend. Tim moves out of his house and into a local motel taking with him his pet box jellyfish. One night, after being beaten, Connie contacts Tim and he gives her the keys and deed to his beach house. She takes her two children and moves in to their new home.

Having stolen his brother's credentials, and making himself known by his brother's name Ben, he checks out candidates for his two final donations. The first is Ezra Turner (Woody Harrelson), a blind meat salesman who plays the piano. Tim calls Ezra Turner and harasses him at work to check if he is quick to anger. Ezra remains calm and Tim decides he is worthy.

He then contacts Emily Posa (Rosario Dawson), a self-employed greeting card printer who has a heart condition and a rare blood type. He spends time with her, weeding her garden and fixing her rare Heidelberg printer. He begins to fall in love with her and decides that as her condition has worsened he needs to make his donation.

His brother tracks him down to Emily's house. Ben then demands that Tim return his IRS ID to him. Tim leaves and returns to the motel. He fills the bathtub with ice water to preserve his vital organs, climbs in, and then commits suicide by pulling his extremely poisonous jellyfish into the water with him. His friend Dan (Barry Pepper) acts as executor to ensure that his organs are donated to Emily and Ezra. Ezra Turner receives his corneas and Emily receives his heart. Afterwards, Emily meets Ezra at a concert and they begin to talk.

Here is my review:

At the begining of the movie, I was clueless as to what 'Ben' was doing. He looked miserable whenever he is alone yet he was composed and charming when he was up and about communicating with people. I was shocked when he yelled at the blind meat salesman and called him mean names. Yet he was so sweet and helpful to others.

In the end, the movie revealed 'Ben' was suffering from guilt of destroying seven people's life, including his fiancee. A secret he bottled up within himself for as long as he achieved his mission to help those seven other people to live a normal life again.

I can't help but compared him to numerous people that I know in my life. It makes me wonder again that why are human beings tolerating and accepting self-suffering. Inner-soul suffering. It's the worst punishment anyone can endure in life. Of course Ben's example is a little extreme, most people I know would have little secrets and guilt built-up within themselves over a lifetime that would cause somehow an identical effect.

The show did affect me a little, in a sense that I feel there are a lot more Bens in this world that needs a little compassion and care to release his inner demons. I came across a book titled The Ripple Effect - Finding Inner Peace and Harmony by Anne Jones. It is a book or a guide to enhance personal enlightenment based on simple principles. I am still flipping through the first chapter and it did intrigued me to read on hoping as well that I am able to share the knowledge with love ones.

I am glad I watched the movie as it did remind me that I too can make a difference in someone's life with just a gentle touch of affection and compassion. When we leave this world, it is our gestures and memories that touched the heart of others. That will be the footprints that we will leave behind us forever.

**Personally, I would recommend watching this movie. A valuable and thought provoking movie, plus Will Smith is definately a great actor for he is able to portray the inner-suffering of the character.

The Changing Forms of Clouds

What is more rejuvenating than spending the afternoon looking at the blue sky and experiencing the changing forms of the clouds? It was absolutely enticing. Even while blogging right now, the clouds are changing forms.

It might sound slightly ridiculous to some, to me, this is one of those rare moments that I get to have time for myself to just sit alone and appreciate the moment.

Appreciate life. Appreciate the nature. Appreciate my surroundings. To truly observe the view, the magnificent flow of nature.

This is when I am grateful for:
1. Having a perfect vision; to be able to see with my eyes.
2. Having some time alone; when life seems to be moving too fast, to be detached from the outside world and view life from a different angle.
3. Being here; for having a chance to still be here.

Most people would find this truly a waste of time and probably think there are much more practical activities than just sit and look at clouds. In other words, some might describe this as just ‘day dreaming’.

Before you conclude that it is just a waste of time, why not take a moment and think “What is life?”

To some, it is the sense of self-achievements when you picture yourself to own something a few years down the road. Most of the time, it would either be a successful career or a money-making business that wowed everyone. To some, it might also be having a family, to own designers’ shoes or accessories, to have traveled around the world and seen the richness of other country’ cultures, etc.

Do you see the similarity of the above objectives in life? Ultimately, the end result in mind is to satisfy your needs for happiness.

What if you have reached there? You would have wanted something more, to keep the objectives going in order to satisfy your needs. The search for material happiness is never ending until the day we leave the world. Everyone will leave the world someday and it is the fact of life.

Are you afraid of leaving the world?
Being afraid is because you have yet to achieve the objectives you have set for yourself, you have yet to prove to yourself of your worthiness and attain the satisfaction of self-achievements. I am pleased to say that I am not afraid to leave the world. Why? My journey in life has been fascinating. I have a family that loves me. I have friends that love me. I am surrounded by love. I am truly blessed to be who I am and to have what I have in my life. I am not referring to the material possessions in my life; I am referring to the love and joy.

As I am looking up at the sky now, the clouds have changed forms several times, to prove yet again that ‘Nothing is Permanent’. So, why chase unrealistic dreams of having more material possessions when nothing is permanent? When we leave this world, the only possessions we are able to bring with us are the love and memories we have shared during our time on earth.

A boy named Gabriel

It was such a nice and warm feeling to see so many people willing to sacrifice their time to do volunteering job. Especially at an orphanage where they provide tutoring to children once a week.

What bothered me after another session of tutoring at the orphanage today was a seven year old boy whom I was coaching on the subject of Mathematics. He could not even differentiate the number seven and nine. I guided him on a few calculation exercises and observed he had difficulty in identifying numbers. The most basic and fundamental knowledge of Mathematics needed to proceed with those difficult worksheet that was provided for the tutoring sessions.

Yet, he was tackling the worksheets with much frustration, all the while asking me to give him the right answers.

Another behavior I have observed of him is that he was depending on me to give him the answers which lead to the attitude of not bothering to remember what was being taught and only excited to know if he has guessed the answers correctly. Sigh.

I wonder what his school teachers teach in class. More so, did he even bother to listen to his teachers in school?

What disturbed my mind most were when I wanted to leave a little early to go for my dancing class, some of the volunteers was teasing the boy that he made me angry and I am leaving him. The boy did not allow me to go and wanted me to stay on, so I explain to him that I must leave as I have my dancing class and that I will see him again next week. He said “You are lying”.

Shocked. Surprised. Stunned.

Those were my reactions. Why would the boy accused me of all that? I tried to explain but he was already sulking and kept repeating that I was lying to him. The rest of the volunteers did not help much by adding on that he made me angry and I am leaving because of that. Sigh.

No wonder the boy is feeling the way he is, with the help of the cheerleaders’ team formed by those volunteers. Abandoned yet again by someone he thought he is able to trust. He was already abandoned by his birth parents, he must have experienced the same with numerous “teachers” whom he respected, and now he thought I must be one of “those” people who just said “I will come back” for the sake of saying it.

My heart truly weeps for that little boy for experiencing those feelings from such a young age and not knowing how to deal with it. Volunteering as a tutor for the orphanage is certainly not an easy job. One must be understanding and able to feel the emotions of those children. They need encouragements, genuine care from the heart as a friend and family, as well as being the mentor that they can look up to and respect. To say the right things at the right time is most important to deal with the sensitive emotions that has been bottling up in them.

If the other volunteers chipped in a few words of encouragements and positive remarks during those awkward moments, the boy would have felt better and experience a sense of calmness and trust.

I stressed yet again that being a tutor or a teacher does not mean we are teaching something to others; it is the passion of sharing an idea or knowledge and inspiring others to give their best in order to discover what they already know. At the same time, having the passion in seeing someone’s life improves through all these guidance and inspirations. The satisfaction is indescribable.

My mission in life

I had yet another “first” experience in meditation this evening. I had a huge smile plastered on my face at the end of the session.

I have found my reasons for living.

To put it another way; I have found my true reason for my existent. The reason has always been in my subconscious mind and only found the connection to my conscious mind through meditation. Most probably these are not something new but it is something that has been clarified as a mission in my life.

My goals to achieve my life's mission:

1. To spread compassion to more people; I have come to realize the importance of spreading more compassion to those in needs and help motivates others to do the same. I would want to be more involved in organizing charity events or do more volunteering work.

2. To spread love and care to children, especially those who were born without a family. To help them realize that they are not alone and be the family that they needed.

3. To be an angel to my mom. Words cannot describe just how much love and care she had given to me since the day I was born. Today, she needs me. I will simply be there.

4. To learn more about children’s education, as I would one day hope to educate more children especially orphans.

According to the book on Buddhism, births are the start of suffering. Children are born into this world to suffer from the karmic effects of their past lives. But, I know that if we are able to provide them with the right education and guidance, at least some karmic effects would be neutralized.

I have been dealing with a lot of struggles lately. Struggles not from others but within myself and I. The fear that I once suffered has been lifted upon me as I went through another session of meditation today. The simple life that I have always wanted has always been there, but blurred by artificial believes and dreams. No more of those days where my daily motivations are from goals of becoming the best in the industry, to be able to afford expensive vacations, and other make-believe fairy tale endings.

The simple life that I have always been dreaming to have is the life that I always had. The life that I have been blessed with, having my family who has always been there thru the roller-coaster ride of my life, with all the wonderful friends that I have right now and wonderful people that I will be meeting in the future. The laughter shared. The lessons learnt from older generations as well as children as young as three or four years of age. Even lessons learnt from infants are treasures if we know how to appreciate them.

Of course, not forgetting the process of finding the one person I will share my life with. Although part of me still have the fear of being abandon again, but I am happy to say that I have opened up my heart to rekindle that ability to feel love once more. Should I say that “someone” had that magic touch to guide me to feel love again?

The Facts of Life - My own's perspectives

Even the toughest character needs TLC from time to time.

Sometimes when we are taught and raised to be strong and independent, the advantage will be a tough character that is able to handle every situation or trouble without whining or expecting help to be given. Things will get done quicker, more efficient at work, independently handles every critical situations in life, and etc.
But life is meant to be shared. Life will be bland and tasteless if it is not shared with people we love. There is nothing sweeter than knowing someone will be there for you during the tough times, or laughter will be shared during a celebration. There is nothing happier than knowing someone will always be there to love and care for you; no matter what.

Think:
When you cradle a child and the child’s little fingers wrapped around your thumb; clinging to your thumb just because the child felt safer and protected. We are born to have the natural instinct to have the needs of care and love. It is only the teaching and cultures that have blurred the needs; only when you reach deep into your inner soul that you will find that needs emerge within us.

Even the sweetest person will have their own bitter moments.

I believe no one is perfect. Even monks would have a moment or two of bitterness.

Think:
Someone, in this case would be a lady above the age of 50 with marital status still ticked as single, asking numerous unreasonably illogical questions that the only objective to ask in the first place is to challenge someone to a point of irritation. Even directing those questions to a monk will test their patience.

Never judge a character; even if you have known that person for years.

We thought we know. We thought having years of experience will exclude you from disappointments. Most of the time, the person we thought we know the best willbe the ones who will give you the biggest surprise! It is neither good norbad surprises.

Think:

Someone who looks tough but always give-in to love. Someone who provides care and love to everyone, but surprises us when the love and care were never shown to their family. Someone who laughs and portray a happy-go-lucky attitude, but suffers from depression deep inside. Someone who appears noble and highly respected, but has hidden secrets that show lack of integrity. The list goes on and on.Shall we conclude that life is certainly more interesting with all these unique characters that colour our lives and make life more challenging?

Relationships that last the first 3 months are just starting the real relationship.

1-3 months – HONEYMOON
3-6 months – CHALLENGE
6-12months – ACCEPTANCE

Who am I to judge how a relationship should work? I took some time to reflect on my own relationship, but since it was so long ago, I gave up thinking.

I believe relationships should be built strongly on trust and respect. Secondly, relationship should also be based on the most fundamental, which is being a best friend with each other. These attributes to a relationship that will last comparing to those that are based on ‘love at first sight’ or purely lust.

Think:
Two people gets together because they like each other’s company and are able to discuss about anything at all. Subjects vary from secrets, to personal opinions, troubles to special moments, gossips to challenge. These two people then fall in love and decided to build a family of their own based on trust, respect, friendship and love. Their attraction for each other will last a lifetime.

Facing the demon

Yet again I have come to another point in my life where a life-changing decision has to be made. Since the start of the Chinese New Year celebration, I have been weighing the pros and cons, hoping to come to a firm conclusion and decide which directions to move next.

Fear is what I have been feeling.
Fear of failure.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of disappointing people around me.
Fear of lost opportunities.
Fear. Fear. Fear….

As I was browsing through some books in MPH yesterday, I was attracted to a book titled “One Month To Live”. A thirty days guide to a no-regret life. Pathetic as it sounds, I was desperate! Desperate to force that final push to move on in life!

One chapter emphasizes on risks in life…..

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
Nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.

Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run Than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure,
Or nothing….

-Helen Keller-

So, what am I clinging to right now that needed to let go of in order to move forward in my life? How can I break away and attempt greater things in life? Deep down inside, I know I have the answer. I know what I want. I know that nothing is impossible and lots of greater things can be achieved, if only I want to do it. Somehow, this fear is stopping me.

This fear is making all sorts of unreasonable excuses for not following my heart. My passion. My dreams.

If only I am able to develop that motivation and strength to push me towards that first step to my dreams…

If only.... maybe..... someday......... these are words said for comforting oneself"
Someday I will achieve it.
Someday I am really going to do it. Maybe I will be happy.
Someday when I achieve it, I will be happy.
Someday.
One day.
When?

What if that someday doesn't exist?

Life is unpredictable; you'll never know what's coming next.

That someday is right now.

Maybe what I truly need right now is to get away from the congested city to another place, to take my attention from all these confusing make-believe career that people has been feeding me with and truly search the answer from within.

Yes! I need a getaway vacation! Badly!

Another excuse to refrain from facing that important decision-making task and a very obvious "someday" syndrome.