Reflections of 2008

Only one more day and the year 2008 will be another year added to the history basket. Reflecting on what has gone through the year, I have to say year 2008 is a year where I have changed the most; my thoughts, my beliefs, my perspectives, my life……

When you change your thinking; you change your beliefs
When you change your beliefs; you change your expectations
When you change your expectations; you change your attitude
When you change your attitude; you change your behavior
When you change your behavior; you change your performance
When you change your performance; you change your life!

Beginning of the year was the start of a promising career with a leading skincare brand; it was also the end of a distressed long-term relationship.

“Change is the most common phenomena in the Universe”

This is also the year where I was crowned “workaholic” and sacrifices most of my time for work. Starting a new job is already not an easy task, but a new job in a dynamic corporation is even more stressful. I had to catch-up high expectations of work and skills starting from scratch with just minimal guidance. My determination was what motivated me to not give-up until I succeed. I am proud to say that I am a better Trainer today than I was a year ago.

Although I sacrifices a lot of family time, leisure and personal interest, but I would not be who I am today without committing myself to improvements and taking the initial steps to plan my development. No doubt it was a painful process, but sacrifice is a part of life. It is not something to regret; it is something to aspire. It is not about lost but something to gain from the sacrifices.

This is also a year where I learn what is;
Gratitude
Appreciation

In the world where all is blinded by the chase of material stuffs to luxury properties, lost were the sense of appreciation of what they have or owned.

Appreciation and gratitude to the people we love and care is most important. I have to go through an extremely heartbroken period where I lost my father to truly understand the meaning of appreciation and not to take anyone for granted. I certainly do not want to go through another chapter in my life ever again feeling regrettable and remorse for not being a filial daughter, a loving person to all I love and cared.

Friendships are also greatly treasured in my life. I love meeting new people and by nature I am an easy-going person who gets along pretty well with most people. But it is those few selected friends that made my life so wonderful and happy; friends that were always there when I needed them to share my tears and laughter. The saying “friends come and go” doesn’t apply to this friends of mine. They will always be in my heart. Forever. This year, my friendships were bonded and made even more special by just a simply touch of appreciation.

“Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know”

Well, I see myself as a much better and cheerful person; personality wise. I have learnt to appreciate people in my life, to have more compassion to the less fortunate, to see the world from a much more simplicity aspects rather than to complicate matters and make life more difficult and unhappy. I have also been practicing the art of meditation and the benefits from it are so great that I absolutely encourage the practice to gain spiritual awareness and self-realization. I am definitely a calmer person now comparing to last year.

Learning from the past is certainly an essential step to self-improvements; but dwelling over the past will definitely not benefit anyone. So, enough of reflections as I am going to start thinking of my new year’s resolution and find a passion within myself to move on in life.

What is my passion?
Now, that is a question worth pondering.

Merry Christmas!

Today is one of those happiest moments shared with people I cared and loved in my life. Every cell in my body is asleep and yet some part of me still wants to stay awake to blog this special day to keep the memory forever.

I know I’ve mentioned this a zillion times, yet it is still amazing that I am blessed with such beautiful friendships in my life. I could never ask for anything more. It all started almost seven years ago in a small skincare centre in Metrojaya Midvalley where we met and started our friendship in a rocky manner.

Gabrielle Tham:
The girl who were born just two days after me! Who shared the same uniqueness in character and a girl who is always a loving & caring friend to have around. She is FUN, hardworking, humble, a great companion for a cuppa coffee anytime! And a supporter to us all in any sort of situation! Without her, life will be like stall water!

Geraldine Yap:
Gentle yet strong minded, feminine yet sometimes she portray a certain toughness that surprise us all, Sometimes she could act like the lovely mummy to everyone, loves food, loves to eat, loves pork…….I used to control her eating habit to force her to lose the extra weight! That was when I wanted to introduce her to my handsome uncle, although their friendship didn’t move up another level but her weight did move down a few! But, she will always be the true supporter and sincerely make the effort to lend a helping hand. She was always the first one to tell me not to go back to my ex-boyfriend and threatens to call me a LOSER for life, if I go back to him. Haha! She is a true gem indeed..

Ming Yen Ong:
Cool exterior, warm at heart. HAHA! That about sums all! She’s the best character and of course a great friend to have around. Although she always looks and acts as if she is so steady and cool, deep down this woman is truly….a WOMAN!! She needs TLC all the time! Only true friends would know that :P She is certainly a independent woman, very opinionated, extremely reliable, and not to mention, a woman with a strong backbone.... yum! very desirable indeed! But as a friend; she is caring and understanding and I love her for that. Somehow, we always get the comment that our features are very similar... Maybe we were long lost sisters!

Bibi Choo:
Although we were never been a close friend but knowing Bibi Choo, she is never a harmful character and she will always be the Bibi Choo that we’ve known since Estee days. Nowadays, having a little princess certainly made her even more feminine than ever!

Charise Ho:
My dear meow……
This woman, she is like a gift from an angel. We were not colleagues in Estee Lauder. We met when I somehow got her an interview in Luxasia. We lunched a few times. Chat a bit here and there. Then somehow, she became the most special person in my life. There were so much that she is able to see for me that I am unable to see for myself. This woman is just so unbelievable. Although at times I understand that she needs time with her hubby and family; I try not to burden her too much with my troubles. But I know, if I need her… she will definitely be there for me. She was there
for me……at one of my lowest point in my life. She is certainly an angel in
my heart and I love her very much indeed!

There you go, the girls; plus their man!

Gabrielle with VJ

Geraldine with Jimmy

Ming Yen with her current beau; Mr. Aaron Wong Lap from the States

Charise with Mike

Bibi with Shaun

All gathered at my place tonight to celebrate Christmas; potluck style.

Plus a few more other great friends who made the celebration even more joyful!

Tasha, Calyn, Edmond, Joanne, BJ, Nic

**smile**My life is truly blessed with wonderful people.....

Appreciate Every Moment

In a blink of an eye, days have whizzed by since the day my father passed away. This year was the first Chinese New Year celebration without him. It hurts to think that every year from this year on, I will be celebrating it without him; without his blessings, without his fussy instructions, without his bright smile. The celebration will never be the same again.

I thought about him during the New Year period, wondering where is he now? What is he experiencing? Is he still around the house with us? To say I do not miss him would be the biggest lie.

My dad was a respectable man and an inspirational and outstanding motivational speaker. If not for his guidance and his eye for perfection, I would not be who I am today. I remember the time when I needed to deliver an important speech to a hall of 200 people; he guided me on all the most important aspects of delivering a speech effectively.

He would make me face the mirror and allow me to observe my body language. He made me understand the importance of the tone of my voice and made me repeat my speech over and over again. His training was a major boost of confidence for me.

One sunny afternoon a few weeks back, I was included in a family swimming outing and got to observe two adorable girls swimming with their loving uncle. It brought me back to the days when my dad would bring my brother and I for a short holiday to the beach and our favourite activity would always be swimming. Dad would show us the correct ways to swim and he even bought us water guns! Those certainly are treasured memories.

I remember that two months before he passed away, my father wanted to take us to Penang for a short holiday and even booked the hotel for a three nights’ stay. That trip was cancelled because I had to work and my mother wasn’t keen to travel so far. Now I truly regret not having insisted on going. How could I have let my work stop me from spending precious time with my family?

It is still a little shocking to my soul to have to accept the fact that he is gone forever. My last words to him were ‘‘good-bye’’ when I left home to go for an hour of massage at a spa nearby. That night, my mother received the shocking news of his death from a policeman. He had died of a heart attack at a coffee-shop just a few kilometres from home. There wasn’t any sign that he was going to go away forever.

I had always imagined him giving me away on my wedding and being the most “happening’’ dad around my friends with his pleasant personality and charming smile. And someday, laughing and smiling from ear to ear while playing with my children. All these dreams have just been blown away.

Losing my dad certainly made me realise that life is both precious and fragile. At anytime the person you care about the most might be taken away from you forever and you will not be able to do anything about it.
I know I have to appear strong and not lose myself in my emotions. I know I am able to hide them, but that doesn’t mean I am dealing with them. In actual fact, I have to admit that I am not. I am just hoping that they won’t turn into a time-bomb that explodes in the future!

I swear to myself that I will not take my family and everyone I care for granted. Every moment with them will be cherished and kept in my heart for nothing is more precious than happy moments and laughter shared together.

This blog was published in The Sunday Star Newspaper 22nd February 2009:http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2009/2/22/lifefocus/3309843&sec=lifefocus

Party Weekend

Ageing is not just numbers (as in AGE) but how much your body is able to tolerate too much late nights and lesser and much lesser sleep.

Last night was such a FUN night for my girls and me. I've managed to organize a night out with my dearest girls to celebrate the birthday of Ming Yen and Geraldine. Although there were some hiccups initially but it was certainly a memorable night to last until the next gathering. I am truly blessed to have such beautiful friendships with these four angels; who have been there to hold my hands through bad times and were there to share the joy of the good. I am thankful for such a blessing gift that I couldn't ask for anything more; not even a Christmas gift personally delivered by Santa Clause himself on the eve of Christmas! My silly childhood fantasy! Haha!

But this is not the subject that I have in mind......

MEN.

Sigh. My mind is so cloudy when it comes to this subject. This shows just how clueless and useless I am when it comes to men.

Sometimes I truly understand why some men commented on my ill-mannerism as I tend to ignore them when they come-on to me too strongly. In situations; where I am not interested to further the relationship into something more than just an innocent friendship. Take for example a guy who was very frank of what he wanted from me. An offer of a one night with no attachment fling; which I will never lower my little self-esteem to accept that offer. That is when I am categorized in the ill-mannerism groupie. He just kept on harassing me in the hope that I will give-in someday and then self-invite to join me and my girls last night at our party. Allow me to let out a huge SIGH again!

There are also in some cases where I am interested in the guy, but am as clueless yet again as how to express my interest in him.

Do I tell him directly? Do I make a brave move; kiss or look at him with a sexy smile? Haha! I will certainly look like a whore with no business and trying her very best not to go home alone! Pathetic! But in the end...I did nothing!

Will softer approach work better? But come to think of it, I don't really know what approach is the best because I am totally clueless. I am really curious what is going on in the mind of MEN.

What I understand from my friends is that the harder the girl tried, the colder the guy acts towards her. On the other hand, the more the guys are being rejected; the harder they work to get the girls' attention. I am utterly confused. Are they playing some kinda game here?

People see me as a “Party Girl”, meaning a girl who enjoys showing off and having FUN every weekend at clubs just so she could grab any guy she wanted; most probably a different one every weekend.

If that is the image that I am portraying by going dancing on weekends; then no wonder I am attracting guys who only wants a one night affair with me. The best one I have experienced was a guy who told me all he wanted to hear from me are dirty jokes and wanted to take me to a cheap hotel on our first date. I should have given that guy a slap he will remember for life, but I am too well-mannered to choose that option and just opt to sternly saying NO and hope he doesn’t rape me. I certainly don’t want to lose faith in the hope of finding my Prince someday; somehow all these bad experiences with men truly made me think that my Prince is unreachable. The number of gnomes outnumbered the Princes in this world!

I don’t need lots of Princes; just someone with intelligence and humble; someone I respected and cared because he respect and care for me as well; someone who loves his family and takes care of them; someone who treats me well and make me feel like a Princess, someone who'll drown me with sweetness, someone whom I am comfortable with and someone who is always on my mind 24/7…..

Does this mean I have to give up weekend dancing at clubs?

To look for other options to spend my weekends than to party til the wee hours and not getting any sleep the next day?

Yes, the answer to the above is YES.

I have found the solution to remove the “Party Girl” title from my collection; but have yet to find the solution to express my feelings to that someone I cared.

**Wishing to free myself from the evil-minded gnomes**

by Joselyn Lee

Wherever you are; Be There

One of the major reasons why we fail to find happiness or to create unique lifestyle is because we have not yet mastered the art of being.
While we are home our thoughts are still absorbed with solving the challenges we face at the office. And when we are at the office we find ourselves worrying about problems at home.
We go through the day without really listening to what others are saying to us. We may be hearing the words, but we aren't absorbing the message.
As we go through the day we find ourselves focusing on past experiences or future possibilities. We are so involved in yesterday and tomorrow that we never even notice that today is slipping by.
We go through the day rather than getting something from the day. We are everywhere at any given moment in time except living in that moment in time.

Lifestyle is learning to be wherever you are.
It is developing a unique
focus on the current moment, and drawing from it all of the substance and wealth
of experience and emotions that is has to offer.
Lifestyle is taking time to
watch the sunset.
Lifestyle is listening to silence.
Lifestyle is
capturing each moment so that it becomes a new part of what we are and of what
we are in the process of becoming.
Lifestyle is not something we do; it is
something we experience.
And until we learn to be there, we will never
master the art of living.

My heart weeps for all troubled soul

All of us seek something better in life
That something that
will give us satisfaction;
which leads to happiness in life
Then why is
it then we see sadness and strife?
Obsessions, jealousy, ignorance in all
walks of life

Do you ignore them and walk right on by?
or does
your heart weep as you look them in the eye

What Karma has brought them you
really don't knowa life torn asunder or addiction did grow

Life, certainly ain't easy
My Buddha Heart weeps for all troubled souls

by Joselyn Lee

Just when I thought I may move on in life and put my past (the good ones) as just a memoir of my journey in life, more dramas unfolds itself upon me to disrupt the positiveness of my current mindset. I have accepted the fact, forgiven the soul and protected in respect. But all these, must come in limitation as there is always a limit to how much truth we may be accepted.

The numbness of the discovery is still harassing my inner soul.

How much more 'discovery' and when is it ever going to end?

I sometimes do wonder why all living souls bring upon so much sufferings and pain to themselves; and to the people surrounding them? All such actions just to endure the evil seduction of obsessions and physical satisfaction; which are nothing but impermanent and artificial.

I don't think I can ever look at another human without wondering how much deep-dark-secrets lies in the closet of these individuals, or buried somewhere waiting to be revealed someday; somehow.

Is it so difficult to wish for a simple life? To just want pure love & happiness and share it with someone who appreciates little things in life as well? Are human meant to be born on earth to suffer and rejoice by evil actions & thoughts, as well as blinded by obsessions & jealousies?

All these discoveries has left me feeling very vulnerable and afraid. Afraid of all the unspoken thoughts of all walks of life. Afraid of how human brains has been polluted since the day of birth. Afraid of all the masks that people put on the moment they wake up from sleep everyday. Afraid of all the pretending, acting & lies to appear noble and highly-principled to the world, worthy of everyone's trust and respect.

What has the world become? What will our children; leaders of the future, be?

Education alone is not strong enough to fight the demons from polluting our children's mind. The world needs more compassion to make the future a brighter and better place; for our children and the generations to come.

My Beautiful Sunday

What a beautiful Sunday!

No worries, no work, no work, no work, no work.....and no work!
Haha! Yes yes! It's a non-working Sunday and I brought my grandma for a foot massage to make up for all the delicious vegetarian dishes that she has been preparing for me & bro. She is such a sweet angel to us, although sometimes this sweet angel of mine can be the Nagging Queen of the Century^_^

The only thing that spoiled my beautiful Sunday was the pain on my left ankle. I hope it will go away soon, but that hope was already 5 weeks old and still the pain did not go away. The funny thing is I don't remember spraining or hurting my ankle at all. I just thought it was a minor hurt and it will go away in a few days, not until I started to dance again that I realized it was actually getting worst. Just hope that the ancient chinese medicine practitioner will be able to do his magic on my ankle tomorrow!

Getting back to my beautiful title, which is Beautiful Sunday! I wonder how most people usually spend their beautiful Sunday? I used to spend Sunday working at home and after months of overworked and exhaustion, spent my Sundays nursing Saturday night fever! I am proud to say that today I truly did spend my Sunday rest & relaxing the right way. My beautiful Sunday started off with.......

1. My eight hours of beauty sleep
2. Healthy breakfast of fruits and veges
3. Catching up with my readings, especially the news!
4. Spent some quality time with grandma
5. Much needed and expired Pedicure treatments for my poor little toes
6. Had a drink and a decent conversation with my ex-boyfriend
- We are friends now and for the first time over the past 6 months, we talked like adults!
7. More catching up with my books!

The only thing that is lacking in my agenda is EXERCISE! It's kinda frustrating that I cannot use the treadmill for my jogs anymore as my ankles hurt each time I try to jog. I love running for at least 20 minutes before moving on to other exercises in the gym, which consists of 2 sets of 15 reps on stomach crunches, some yoga poses and full body stretching. Now, I'll probably have to wait for my ankle to heal first!

In the meantime, I will try to continue my Beautiful Sunday rituals and hopefully add more meaningful activities into my Sundays; activities like charity work, yoga, walks, swimming, cooking or baking classes, cathing up with friends & family...etc

Daddy, I love you

The night that you died was the worst night of my life

I've never before felt so much strife
It's exactly a month now counting from that night

I was so confused I didn't know what to do

Because from that point on I had to live without you

I loved you so much even though sometimes we would fight

I loved you so much that it all hit me that night

It happened that night, my worst nightmare came true

For that night was the last night with you

I try not to cry, I try to be strong

But each day is so hard since you've been gone

I think of the memories and the things from the past

Because those are now the only things that are left to last

Every time I go out, when I have things to do

I always find something that reminds me of you

Whether I go out to eat or have things to do

Especially when I past those places where you used to go

I'm always reminded of you

There are so many things that I have yet to do

Things that I wanted to share with you

Like getting married and you giving me away

Or having my children and you watching them grow each day

I miss you so much I don't know what to do

I wish you could come back

If only for a few

There were so many things I feel were left unsaid

Now I love you daddy just lingers in my head

I don't know if you know just how much I loved you

But I loved you more than anything

And I just wish you knew it was true

Its hard for me daddy without you here

Now I find myself daily surrounded by tears

When I go to the cemetery where they laid you to rest

And I just can't believe that there is where you nest

It all happened so quickly

It seemed like a dream

It doesn't feel right

It just feels like a scheme

I know that its real and I'll never forget you

But I just don't know without you what to do

We all loved you; Bro, Sis, Mom, & I

But we all know that this isn't good-bye

Dad, You'll truly be missed by everyone

Whether it be by your family or the friends that you had

You were my guardian angel and I miss you so

But I guess it was time for me to let you go

No, I won't forget

Not even for a day

But I must wake up and realize things will be okay

I know you're still watching

I know you still care

Even though you are not physically here
I'll see you again someday

But until I do, I just want you to know one last things

Daddy, I love and truly miss you

Dearest Daddy

Dearest Daddy,

You may not get this in time I know you'll look after me, bro & sis

You were a great daddy to us although sometimes you may not show,
And I am sorry I didn’t show it too

That I love you with all my heart.

You were there for me, you were my knight in shining armor

Although I did not agree with some of the things you did, I love you deeply.

And I'm so sorry for some of things I did.

You caused my mummy pain, I used to hate & blamed it all on you.

I took for granted how much your presence meant to the family.

Now I will never be able to show you.

We may be millions of miles away

But we will always have each other.

Tears come at night for the loss of my dearest Daddy,

My one and only Daddy, who was there for me,

I know up in Heaven, you will be safe & happy,

No more worries from down below,

So please accept my thousands apologies,

I am so sorry daddy,

I did not show my love and I missed you so dearly,

So please God,

take this note and give it to my Daddy,

And tell him......I love you daddy....forever in this life & ever for eternity...

Love, Your daughter

Memories of dad

I feel a warmth around me like your presence is so near,

And i close my eyes to visualize your face when you were here,

I endure the times we spent together and they are locked inside my heart,

For as long as i have those memories we will never be apart,

Even though we cannot speak no more my voice is always there,

Because every night before i sleep i have you in my prayer.