Thursday, June 5, 2008

Hoping for better days

I’m back at my own space again pondering what is going on in my mind lately. The recent price hike is really disturbing. Firstly, food prices have gone incredibly high and now petrol prices have increased a whopping 41 percent! Terrible! Madness really.

Now, everyone is just waiting for another hike in prices and this time not only on food but our daily lifestyle will be disturbed as well.

Expenses will be higher and people will have to find a way to increase their monthly income to survive through this bad economy crisis. But how? Salaries are not increased. Sales person will have to sell more, but if people are saving money for essential stuffs and our country is getting fewer tourists because of the political situation, who are they going to sell to? How can we double our sales figure if there are no potential buyers/customers?

Life is truly getting more and more difficult as we have to work harder and harder to satisfy our daily material needs. People are getting more and more stressful. Life is getting meaningless.

At times like this, I wish I could be somewhere else. Somewhere people don’t have to work so hard to achieve targets. Somewhere people don’t need to live up to today’s ridiculous materialistic standards. Somewhere people are simpler, happier with just life itself and surrounded by families and love. Somewhere….

Even being in China would have been a better place to be than here. At least there I know I’m doing something right by helping the earthquake victims resume their lives. Helping the children overcome the fears and nightmares of losing their families and homes.

I truly feel there’s no more meaning in my life. Everyday I wake up at 6am in the morning to go for my morning exercise, so I can work longer hours and not get tired easily. Yes, I worked till 8-9pm at stressful and days where I have to do lots of planning and preparations. By the time I reached home, it will be time for me to go to bed as I would be too exhausted to even have a friendly chat with my family. Then the next morning it’s the same thing all over again. My friends are complaining I’m neglecting them and I truly feel bad for being too busy for them. I find that an even worst excuse than the petrol increasing because of…. You know what I mean…

Some would tell me that it’s my choice to work so hard and I shouldn’t be so ‘drama’ about it. Let me remind you again that no one will choose to work like a cow, if I were given a choice, I would prefer to be married by now and have my own children to care and love. To wake up each morning to the sound of my husband’s irritating snore is much better than waking up before sunrise to yoga. To be able to look forward to spending the weekend taking my children to the zoo sounds much more tempting than spending my weekends working on my laptop.

Well, if it’s not meant to be then it will never be and that I know I should accept the fact that I’m not married and will never be. I don’t know why I keep having this feeling that I will never find someone to love again. Is it because of my previous failure? Just one miserable failure and I can never bring myself to open up to guys anymore. My friends have to find ways to get me out of office to introduce guys to me! That is so embarrassing! Am I getting too old to find someone myself? Well, maybe… Anyway, I don’t want to think of relationship at the moment, I believe if it happens it will happen naturally. I just hope that I will find my directions in life once again. Being a workaholic with no directions and goals is just so dreadful and meaningless.

The Miracle of today is being able to wake up to the sunrise and hoping for a better tomorrow**

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