Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Please return my sweets

My feelings right now is as if I was given the luxury to taste sweets but was snatched away before I could savor the sweetness of it. The worst of all is to know that I am unable to taste that same kind of sweetness again.

I know I feel like crying. I feel like my heart twisted in a way that makes it hurts so much inside. If I am still a kid, I would have made a big scene where I will shout and cry til I was given back the sweets. But I am no kid and I won’t make any ugly scenes.

It just proves to me once again that nothing is permanent in our life and that we have to learn how to cope with changes. Changes will always be the most common phenomena in the universe revolving around our lives. Accept it, learn to deal with it, embrace changes and we will grow stronger and wiser.

Or drown with sorrow and self-pity; no one will suffer but us.


**This blog is mainly to psycho me and trying to make myself feel a little better**

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Love and Marriage

What is the meaning of Love?

What is the meaning of Marriage?

Why do we go into relationships and end up getting hurt?

Why do people get married yet ended up separating with hatred?

I have been questioning the belief of sacred marriage, ever since seeing and hearing horrid stories of failed marriage. Almost everyone that I know would have gone through the path of heartbreak and separation either in a relationship or marriage. Seldom would I meet someone who is happily in love or married, living everyday smelling roses and gazing rainbows.

It is truly a blessing for two people to be attracted to each other and start a romantic courtship to get to know each other. Once the relationship started, it is like two lost angels who got separated in heaven reconnected on earth. There will be sparks of fireworks and the feeling of warmth and bliss radiate from the heart. The fairy tale continues as they made a vow to love and care for each other through the good and bad times, promises sealed with a sacred band on each of their finger.

Some made it, no doubt it’s rare. Some gave up in the middle of the journey. Some continue staying on for the sake of their family. The fairy tale ended and reality hit right on the head. What happened to the promises? What happened to the love?

I have asked around and gotten some candid reactions.
Some are worth pondering;

Question: What is the meaning of love to you?
Answer: Love is forever, with different partners.

Question: What is the meaning of marriage to you?
Answer: Partnership

As for me:
LOVE is a beautiful feeling.
MARRIAGE is a wonderful blessing from god.
It is definitely not easy finding that someone whom we may share a blissful marriage with. I said it is not easy but it's not difficult either. Somehow it is how we interpret a marriage and love that will bring us to eternal happiness in a marriage.
My hopes are high in finding that person to share my life with. He must be somewhere out there waiting to be discovered. I believe fairy tales do come true if we believe in it.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A Rumor Victim

Rumor – tell tale, gossip, grapevine, tittle-tattle

Gossip - Idle, often sensational and groundless talk about others.

I found out today that there have been words spreading around about me by someone I hardly knew. Stories about me that I don’t even know about existed. I heard false-truth about my actions and thoughts.

In simple and short term: Rumors.

I, being someone who is already extremely low-profile at work have now become one of the main topics at conversations. Why would someone spread false-truth around? Something that would not benefit anyone, not even herself. In fact, I gathered the rumors actually do more harm to her than I.

I do pity people like her. Most probably she feels threatened and hopes too much to be accepted at work. Instead of being humble and learn the right way to adapt to her new environment, she uses the way that most of us who have been in this "industry" long enough to know to avoid and steer clear of. Which is back-stabbing someone respectable and a friend; especially when one are still new in the company.

Everyone who knows me well enough will know that I am a person who stays very far away from gossips and rumors. Anyone who deals with me also realizes that I am a down-to-earth person who will not ‘gosok’ people’s shoes or take advantage of others to climb-up corporate ladders. I find no reasons for that as I am also a person who enjoys making new friends and keeping them. Sometimes I might be too straight forward which causes me troubles with my bosses, but then who doesn’t! I mean get in trouble at work with bosses!

Exhausted; is the only word I can use to describe my feelings at this moment.

When can I get away from being the bulls-eye of the gossips arrow?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Wisdom from the little mouse : The weight of the snowflake

Not too long ago in a place not too far away, a field mouse asked a wise old owl what is the weight of a snowflake.

"Why nothing more than nothing," answered the owl.

The mouse went on to tell the owl about the time he was resting on a branch in a fir tree, counting each snowflake until the number was exactly 3,471,952. Then with the settling of the very next flake — crack. The branch suddenly snapped, tumbling mouse and snow to the ground.

"Humph …Such was the weight of nothing," said the mouse.

So the next time you think your contributions, your acts of charity, your works for justice, your gifts of love, and your talents are nothing, or that they are small in comparison to those of others, remember that when one is added to another, and then to another and so forth, great things can happen from nothing. In the same way, what seems to be ordinary can be transformed into something extraordinary with just a little extra nothing.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Infant vs Adult

Do you know what is the most obvious different between an infant and an adult?

Well, if a baby doesn’t like you, that baby won’t hesitate a moment to cry and refuse to be held by you. On the other hand, adults would plaster a smile and pretend they don’t have a problem with you.

If you asked a kid and an adult the same question, the answer would be as different as day and night.

Question: What do you think of rainbows?

Kid: I like the blue colour! And the yellow! I can draw rainbows! My teacher gave me a star for my drawing! *with pride*

Adult: I think I like them but I think it would be nicer if there’s pink in it.


Adult: Rainbow? Har? You think I have the time for rainbows?

What has happened between the gaps of growing from an infant to a kid to an adult? What made them become so critical and judgmental in life?

Of course living in a world that is growing rapidly, we must equip ourselves with enough knowledge and wisdom to compete with the rest of the world. But on the other hand, had we lost our inborn enthusiasm and compassion during the journey of growing up?

Sigh. So sad right?

I was chatting with a new colleague today and I asked her how she has been coping for the first two weeks in the company. What I didn’t expect was I accidently opened the door to critics and ultimate negativity about the whole experience and findings during that short two weeks. I was a little disappointed that all she saw was the bad side of the business. I am sure nothing is perfect in this world, but at least we must be able to look at the bright side first and then try to work out the imperfections. This coming from someone new, some are even worst!

As for me, sadly to say that I have already came to a point where I can’t utter any positivity about work. The negative vibes at work has worked itself into my blood stream and reached a place in my skull called the brain. Everyday I just feel…..

Exhausted. Discouraged. Disheartened. Depressed.

How can I return to those days when everything was once so wonderful and joyful?

Hoping to one day capture this beautiful scene back into my mind... to destroy the toxic that has reached the mind and successfully damaged part of the scene...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A Woman's Needs

I came across some interesting facts on relationships, but what caught my attention most are the fact that there are different needs for men and women in a relationship that are unknown to us consciously. For most modern women have become so responsible for themselves that it is no longer obvious why they need a man. In the old days, it was clear that a woman needed a man’s protection and physical support and they have no problem declaring that they needed a man. In today’s world, modern women are so used to taking care of themselves that they are careful not to be needy to a man.

Saying this however, women needs to first determine what she needs a man for. Instead of needing a man primarily for survival and security, a woman needs a man for emotional comfort and nurturing. She needs his romantic attention and affection.

When a man opens the car door for a woman, he is not doing it because she can’t but to show that he cares. To show that the woman is special and he is showing it to her how special she is to him. When she gets this message again and again, she begins to glow with happiness and fulfillment. It feels good, it feels nurturing. No other reasons. It is exactly what she needs and he is happy to do it.

Here is a short list of WHAT A WOMAN NEEDS:

1. She needs attention of someone who cares about her

2. She needs the help of someone who wants to take care of her needs

3. She needs time when she is not considering what everyone else wants but when someone is considering her wishes.

4. She needs someone who understands what she likes and makes a plan so that she doesn’t even have to think.

5. She needs someone who anticipate he needs, wants, and wishes and to offer to help without her having to ask.

6. She needs someone to notice her, love her and adore her.

7. She needs someone to miss her and desire her.

8. She needs to love freely and trust that she will be loved in return.

9. She needs someone she can confide in who is trustworthy and will not turn on her or break her confidence by revealing her secrets.

10.She needs someone who cares about her well-being to understand what she is going through and recognize the validity of her feelings.

11. She needs someone who regards her as special.

12. She needs someone to help her in her life so she doesn’t feel she is doing it all by herself.

13. She needs someone to feel passionate intimacy with

The major cause of depression in women is feeling isolated.

All the above does not have to be fulfilled at once but gradually as the relationship progress. Only when the above is fulfilled by the man whom she feels a natural chemistry with would the feeling of satisfaction arise.

I also came across a list of WHAT A MAN NEEDS, but I would want to make this a little special for women out there and most probably keep the list for my next blog. So, this column is dedicated to us women who has a mind of our own but still needs TLC from our beloved men from time to time. Hope it will trigger a little romantic gestures from the men!

Romantic rituals are there to make a woman feel special.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The list continues.......

This is part of the list that I have posted in my Facebook account, as a reminder to myself for all the things and people that I am grateful for in my life. I have also added a few more interesting stuff to the list as I felt 25 is just too..... little......

Here goes...... The 25 random information about me continues~

1. I love my mom; she's my reason for who I am today

2. I feel truly blessed to have a group of lovely ladies to be there for me thru sadness, break-ups, happiness & celebrations. Our friendship will certainly walk further and hopefully til the end of our time on earth.

3. I am a person who believes in the power of meditation because I have experienced the miracles and changes in myself.

4. I used to be a timid girl who hides behind mummy (see-no-touch kind); now I am comfortable giving public speeches and doing presentations & workshops.

5. I have never regretted any of my decisions in life to be who I am today. I've learned from my mistakes and am always striving to improve myself in many ways.

6. The only thing I have regretted in my life is not being the daughter that I should have been to my daddy and nothing in this world is able to amend that.

7. The proudest moments was when I represented my country in an International beauty pageant and made my parents glow with pride and happiness.

8. I thank god for giving me a mom who loves me and was always there to support me and dad who used to provide me with guidance and advices to be a better person, a successful trainer and a great presenter.

9. I love to read and have a secret fantasy of owning a library full of BOOKS! This library will also have a cozy corner where there will be a soft red couch with lots of fluffy & colorful pillows for me to relax with my BOOKS^_^

10. My passion is dancing. I have been taking dance classes for the longest time. I used to take rhythmic gymnastics when I was in school then hip-hop classes with a Japanese dance instructor. Now I’m taking Ballroom Latin & Salsa lessons… currently Pole Dancing has been added to the list!

11. When I dance, I am able to express and let-out my inner soul. Every cell in my body will be in tune with the music and the world is forgotten.

12. I felt a little silly doing this 25 random thingy, but then again, I’ve learnt the hard way that life is too short to be worried about appearing silly. Just go with the flow and do whatever seems right and whatever that will bring happiness to me and to the people in my life.

13. I have a secret fantasy to own a café someday ^_^ on a beautiful island facing the sea..

14. My other passion in my life is "Training". I feel utmost satisfaction when I know I have shared a skill or knowledge that will help someone alter or change their life for the better.

15. I feel the world needs more compassion

16. I want to be more involved in charities and have a dream that someday I would be able to teach orphans the art of dancing, then organizing a mini concert for them to show their talent to the public.

17. I love the sound of laughter and wish that people around me will laugh more!There is nothing more important than HAPPINESS in life.

18. I am getting truly tired of complication and greediness of the world. I feel simplicity would make life happier….

19. I am searching for the true reason for my existent in this world.

20. I am hoping to be married someday to someone who shares my passions and build a lovely family with him.

21. Honestly, I have only been in 1 relationship so far in my life.

22. I disrespect the lack of integrity and 2-timing in a relationship. There is nothing more important than respect and honesty in a relationship.

23. I enjoy pampering myself and strive to look good everyday. Feminine, simple yet elegant is my dressing style.

24. I love watching Sex & the City and secretly wished to have abs like Sarah Jessica Parker!

25. At last I have reached #25, and I wish to have more than 25 because I have walked a long journey in life to be where I am now and 25 is not enough! Seriously, I am only halfway thru!

26. So I will be adding a few more as this is my personal space and that's my advantage :) Which leads to #26 - I love doing things my own way if possible as I hate limitations and rules sometimes. Which is why I could rebel if freedom is taken away from me. The nasty side of me ^_^

27. Currently, I am learning how to be more lady and feminine as I grew up idolizing my superwoman mother, who works and takes care of the family like a man!

28. I hope to learn how to like my job again......compromising as and when needed!

29. I still wanna have my own business someday and believe that I will... especially one that allows me to work with kids!

30. I have stopped going to clubs so often and learnt to take good care of myself, preserving what is left of my youth and hoping it will prolong til I'm a grandma!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Bro's Graduation Day!

Bro's Convocation @ Wisma MCA on the 15th March 2009.
Congratulations and all the best in your future undertakings!
Welcome to the world of working adults ^_^

As I witnessed him walking to claim his graduation award, my heart filled with joy and happiness. I am definitely proud of his academic achievements. My one and only brother, my flesh and blood.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I Certainly Made a Difference

I am only one,
But I can be the one,
Who can make a difference?
To change someone’s perception,
Guidance to build a better life;
With just a small gesture,
A little compassion,
A gift of love and laughter,
Most of all;
A promise delivered,
I certainly made a difference.

Most of the time, while fulfilling our daily chores and responsibilities, we may ended up lost or misdirected from our core purposes in life. If you have already found your purpose in life, I congratulate you but if you have not, I suggest you to think thoroughly and find out what is your purpose in life. It is your mission in life; through your passion that will bring you inner happiness and your soul utmost satisfaction.

The past few days have been packed with activities and travelling that swayed me a little away from my mission. I was slightly lost today. Not physically but mentally.

Always, whenever I am lost or in need of directions in life, I would sit in a quiet corner in my house and release my thoughts through meditation. Always, I would find my way back on track. This time I even thought of the above poem during meditation.

The above poem is to reflect on my satisfaction of keeping my promise to a six year old boy named Gabriel. He may not remember the difference between number seven and nine, but he certainly remembered I promised to return the following week to see him. He was so pleased and cheerful when he told me “Oh! You didn’t bluff me! You came back.”

Honestly, I felt so contented that I have made a slight difference in that little boy’s life. He certainly made my day and inspired me to continue pursuing my passion.

It takes just a simple yet genuine gesture to make someone happy. I could have easily forgotten the promise I made and the boy would just move on in life thinking the world is cruel and filled with liars.

Think for a moment;

How many times have you made a promise to someone and conveniently forgotten to deliver?
A promise made to your mom that you would bring her for a nice outing? Or a promise made to your family that you would spend more time with them?
A promise made to your children that you would spend Sunday afternoon with a game or two of Monopoly? Or a promise made to your little children that you would read a bedtime story?
A promise made to your spouse that you would love her/him for a lifetime? Or a promise made to your lover to protect and care for her/him?

Notice that I did not include material promise? Material promises will not bring permanent happiness but short term satisfaction. Only genuine promises from the heart will create the warmth and wonderful feeling of love when it is delivered as promised. I promise you that this will definitely make a difference in your life as well.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Four Great Friends, a Dinner & Men Interrogation!

Today is definitely a wonderful day as I get to catch up with three of my best friends over delicious steamboat at Taman Desa. Reasonable price plus clean environment were definitely other plus points!

We chatted for almost 3 hours about work, friends and men. We still need to have men as one of the main topic as it is a time for us to reveal troubled thoughts about men; wonder why some men are behaving in such ways that we do not understand and believe we never will. Almost resembling scenes from ‘Sex & the City’ girls’ talk; minus the extreme sex talk!

Well, are men really from Mars and women from Venus? I believe to a certain extend it is true because the author of the book would not have made up the whole concept blindly. There is also another book titled ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ by Sherry Argov which is another version of ‘Men are from Mars and Women from Venus’. Only this book is authored by a women and stating points from a women’s point of view.

The word ‘BITCH’ here is not referring to women who are mean or cruel but strong women who has her own identity and is secure with who she is, women who are clear about what she will or will not accept and not afraid to back away at the slightest whiff of disrespect.

Although some principles shared in the book are great ideas but mostly are just entertaining and fun to read. I always believe that when two people get together, the most important effort is communication, trust and respect. Without any of the three would spell disaster for the relationship. Of course, saying is always easier than truly implementing it into our relationships.

As for me, my dear friends have made me realized that it is the fear of being abandon again that stopped me from fully committing into a relationship. I do believe that if a man is patience enough to guide and regain my confidence and beliefs in love, I would certainly let my guard down. Afterall, I am a person who wants romance and always believe in fairy tale endings. I grew up with Cinderella and Snow White, like them I am waiting for my hero and knight in shining armor to rescue me!

**If you happen to be rolling your eyes at this moment, I would like to enlighten your goodself that having fantasies are absolutely healthy for your mind & soul**

Anyway, I know I need to overcome this fear. Every time I thought I am able to, some incidents might come up and dragged me back into my cocoon. Sigh.

Don’t misunderstand; I am an independant woman and I am also not a woman who believes in playing the field or dating different partners at the same time before choosing the right one to settle down. It is not easy for me to have the 'spark' or some may call it ‘chemistry’ with a guy. I admit I am attracted to smart, intelligent gentlemen rather than looks or how deep or large his bank account or accounts!

When a guy has nothing to flaunt but his money, I will not be shy to tell him to keep his money to take care of himself and not to bother dangling it in front of me as I don’t respond to that! Some people truly thinks money can buy anything in this world!
**This phrase is commented with eyes rolling and a taste of disgust**

One example is the 4 Cs’ that some “SMART” people have come up with; Credit Cards, Cars, Carat, Comics? Clueless maybe! Or Cartoons! **Laughs**

I have dated rich guys with imported sports cars and good looking as well but don’t have a clue on where the conversation was heading to. I mean, I was the one who doesn’t have a clue on what and where the conversation was heading too. Sigh. That’s the biggest turn off of the century! I better stop commenting on such men as I know I am going to sound bitchy about the whole topic.

I have also dated guys who are thoughtful, caring, smart and intelligent plus truly 100% gentlemen and know how to treat a lady with respect. Guys whom I respect in return and enjoy being in their company.

So, why am I still feeling insecure?
Maybe the answer would be to let go of ‘thinking’ too much and just concentrate and appreciate the present moment, the moment of being rescued and protected by my 'hero', especially since I can almost feel the warmth engulfing my heart.

Anyway, it was a wonderful evening spent with the girls and I am glad to have taken the initiative to gather the girls for tonight. Once again, I stressed on how blessed to have great friends in my life!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Seven Pounds

Seven Pounds is a 2008 film, directed by Gabriele Muccino.Will Smith stars as a man who sets out to change the lives of seven people.

Here is the story of the movie:

Two years ago Tim Thomas (Will Smith) was in a car crash, which was caused by him using his mobile phone; seven people died: six strangers and his fiancée, Sarah Jenson (Robinne Lee).
A year after the crash, and having quit his job as an aeronautical engineer, Tim donates a lung lobe to his brother, Ben (Michael Ealy), an IRS employee. Six months later he donates part of his liver to a child services worker named Holly (Judyann Elder). After that he begins searching for more candidates to receive donations. He finds George (Bill Smithrovich), a junior hockey coach, and donates a kidney to him, and then donates bone marrow to a young boy named Nicholas (Quintin Kelley).
Two weeks before he dies he contacts Holly and asks if she knows anyone who deserves help. She suggests Connie Tepos (Elpidia Carrillo), who lives with an abusive boyfriend. Tim moves out of his house and into a local motel taking with him his pet box jellyfish. One night, after being beaten, Connie contacts Tim and he gives her the keys and deed to his beach house. She takes her two children and moves in to their new home.

Having stolen his brother's credentials, and making himself known by his brother's name Ben, he checks out candidates for his two final donations. The first is Ezra Turner (Woody Harrelson), a blind meat salesman who plays the piano. Tim calls Ezra Turner and harasses him at work to check if he is quick to anger. Ezra remains calm and Tim decides he is worthy.

He then contacts Emily Posa (Rosario Dawson), a self-employed greeting card printer who has a heart condition and a rare blood type. He spends time with her, weeding her garden and fixing her rare Heidelberg printer. He begins to fall in love with her and decides that as her condition has worsened he needs to make his donation.

His brother tracks him down to Emily's house. Ben then demands that Tim return his IRS ID to him. Tim leaves and returns to the motel. He fills the bathtub with ice water to preserve his vital organs, climbs in, and then commits suicide by pulling his extremely poisonous jellyfish into the water with him. His friend Dan (Barry Pepper) acts as executor to ensure that his organs are donated to Emily and Ezra. Ezra Turner receives his corneas and Emily receives his heart. Afterwards, Emily meets Ezra at a concert and they begin to talk.

Here is my review:
At the begining of the movie, I was clueless as to what 'Ben' was doing. He looked miserable whenever he is alone yet he was composed and charming when he was up and about communicating with people. I was shocked when he yelled at the blind meat salesman and called him mean names. Yet he was so sweet and helpful to others.
In the end, the movie revealed 'Ben' was suffering from guilt of destroying seven people's life, including his fiancee. A secret he bottled up within himself for as long as he achieved his mission to help those seven other people to live a normal life again.
I can't help but compared him to numerous people that I know in my life. It makes me wonder again that why are human beings tolerating and accepting self-suffering. Inner-soul suffering. It's the worst punishment anyone can endure in life. Of course Ben's example is a little extreme, most people I know would have little secrets and guilt built-up within themselves over a lifetime that would cause somehow an identical effect.
The show did affect me a little, in a sense that I feel there are a lot more Bens in this world that needs a little compassion and care to release his inner demons. I came across a book titled The Ripple Effect - Finding Inner Peace and Harmony by Anne Jones. It is a book or a guide to enhance personal enlightenment based on simple principles. I am still flipping through the first chapter and it did intrigued me to read on hoping as well that I am able to share the knowledge with love ones.
I am glad I watched the movie as it did remind me that I too can make a difference in someone's life with just a gentle touch of affection and compassion. When we leave this world, it is our gestures and memories that touched the heart of others. That will be the footprints that we will leave behind us forever.
**Personally, I would recommend watching this movie. A valuable and thought provoking movie, plus Will Smith is definately a great actor for he is able to portray the inner-suffering of the character.