Sunday, February 24, 2008


Decisions decisions decisions....yeah...just when I thought life is good and happy. I don't like being so moody all the time because of this 'trapped' feeling inside me. When I look back at my life, I think I have never regretted anything for I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I am who I am now because of what I went through in my life. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the making this huge life changing decision...decisions that I have to make in order to move on in life. Wrong decisions? Right decisions? Life is all about decisions eh?..Am I buying the the affordable Kancil or the car of my dreams? Shall I go to college or get a job? Shall I move on with life or suffer for the rest of my life with him?

I read this somewhere and it stuck to my mind after reading it because I felt it connected to my situation now;

"Whatever decisions you make is the only one you could make. Otherwise you would
make a different one. Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret?
You are the person you chose to be."
"Simply change your life. The world is
what you think of it. So think of it differently and your life will change"

I always think my life is so simple and I do want to have a simple life. I don't need to be super rich, I don't need a handsome guy. I don't need to wear diamonds. I don't even want to go shopping in Milan or Paris or wherever or honeymoon in the carribean. I just want the simple thing in life which is to be happy and to make people I care happy. But my life is getting more and more complicated. No point myself lying to the whole world but inside me...I'm extremely unhappy and lonely. Yeah, I can lie to the whole world but I can never lie to myself. I think I really need to get away for some time and decide what I need to do next.

I really hate what I'm going through now. I wish there's someone who can make this decision for me and tell me what to do. Sigh, I know there are people who thinks I am being very emotional and stupid, I also know there are some people who will possibly tell me that to move on if I'm unhappy and find another victim to replace the vacancy. Well, I too wish it's that simple. It's not that simple after 7 years.

Maybe I should continue with what I was doing, pretending everything is cool and put all my energy and concentration into my work. Then be miserable all over again after the sunsets and I'm alone in the comfort of my own shell, sorry, the comfort of my new Elle bed!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Another day at work

Today is one of those days where I have missed my lunch hour again! Sigh.
Early in the morning already encountered problems with my computer's software and it took me the whole morning solving the unseen problems. Not like I'm IT genius, but the IT guy is of no help at all.

Then come lunch hour, oops! Sorry, no lunch! My lunch was spent doing tele-conferencing. The worst part of the conference was me being not-IT-genius, was actually 15 minutes late. Not because I was late 'late' but because I didn't know how to work that spaceship looking thingy that was supposed to connect me to the world! 

I know I did it before, maybe few days or weeks ago. Somehow, I didn't managed to work that spaceship thingy this time, and there is always a digit or a button somewhere that I didn't clicked or pushed. Whatever. Anyway, my point is, the whole region was waiting for me for, yeah...FIFTEEN minutes! *sweat*

After the brain-storming tele-conferencing, I finally get to go out to buy myself a sandwich for lunch. Probably because I was too hungry, or might be because I was trying too hard to understand the different slang of the language we all know is English, I was almost run-over by a taxi while crossing the busy highway to get to the shop.
After my 'lunch', my brother sent me a copy of the tv ad I shot a few years back! He started to work as an intern at an Advertising firm and 'accidently' found my TVC copy! Thank god for your accident, bro!
And suddenly "It's all coming back to me now". Observing my horribly looking puffy face on screen and speaking horribly weird cantonese!


I have 'almost' erased that image out of my mind but then again, almost is never enough. Sometimes, my family just wouldn't let me get away with my horrible cantonese. They would never fail to remind me of that ALL the time!
This is my 'acting' family and where my horrible cantonese was heard nationally.

This is slightly better. 
A skincare TVC where I was the main character *I'm the one in RED* 
I had to wake up 5am for the shoot and only managed to wrap-up at 3am. The best part would be I was expected to look my best during the final run. Haha! My eye bags just can't help but revealed themselves to the nation....

Anyway, remembering those times when I was still available to go here and there for castings and auditions and not caring about a 9-5 job was certainly FUN. But it is not FUN all the time. For a TVC shoot, I need to wake up before sunrise and only managed to crawl to bed almost sunrise. I wonder how the professionals stay beautiful and gorgeous all the time!
Well, it is all good experience I can say and at least when I'm old and wrinkled I can show my 'cucu-cicit' something that their old wrinkled nenek was once young and firm!

Now, I can rest and sleep well thinking about that*wink*wink*
During my modelling days....

The Secret to a long-lasting Relationship

Do you ever wonder how some people can make a relationship last in spite of the high divorce rate and failing marriages and relationships? Here are the secrets to have a relationship that will endure a lifetime;

1. MUTUAL VALUES. You may think you are crazy about someone because of the way they look, act, and talk, but if you discover that they do not honor your deepest values, that attraction will disappear.
2. ATTRACTION. Once you know that you share similar values with someone, chemistry is important. If it isn't there, you can't manufacture it. But attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.
3. MUTUAL ADMIRATION. In order to get love right, you need to choose someone you admire and respect. Relationships that last are found to exist between 2 people who have high regards for each other. Each one thinks the other is outstanding.
4. PURPOSE. Relationship of strength are between 2 people who feel an enormous purpose to their lives. They support each other in their purpose and help each other achieve their goals.
5. TRUST. 2 people who trust each other feel emotionally safe with sharing secrets. They know that the other one will never use the information against them.
6. SELF-WORTH. You cannot separate out healthy self-esteem from a good strong relationship. Both people feel they matter, are important in the world, and have much to contribute. Both people also know how to exercise their talents, know how to take care of themselves, and continuosly make their families feel proud of them.

Well, at the end of a fairy tale is always a happy ending because it is man-made stories. In real life, nothing is that simple and easy. It always take both hands to clap. If in a relationship, only one party is contributing to the above values then the fairy tale ending that we all hope for will never happen.
Our life is conquered by materialistic people and the truth is, people now are too busy chasing their materialistic dreams to care about values in life. So for those ladies out there who already found their Prince Charming and those gentlemen who already found their Cinderella, hold on to them and cherish them for there are still people out there struggling to find theirs.

I hope they do live happily ever-after. They will never mention divorce in fairy-tales right?
Joselyn -de distressed princess-