Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Reflections of 2008

Only one more day and the year 2008 will be another year added to the history basket. Reflecting on what has gone through the year, I have to say year 2008 is a year where I have changed the most; my thoughts, my beliefs, my perspectives, my life……
When you change your thinking; you change your beliefs
When you change your beliefs; you change your expectations
When you change your expectations; you change your attitude
When you change your attitude; you change your behavior
When you change your behavior; you change your performance
When you change your performance; you change your life!

Beginning of the year was the start of a promising career with a leading skincare brand; it was also the end of a distressed long-term relationship.

“Change is the most common phenomena in the Universe”

This is also the year where I was crowned “workaholic” and sacrifices most of my time for work. Starting a new job is already not an easy task, but a new job in a dynamic corporation is even more stressful. I had to catch-up high expectations of work and skills starting from scratch with just minimal guidance. My determination was what motivated me to not give-up until I succeed. I am proud to say that I am a better Trainer today than I was a year ago.

Although I sacrifices a lot of family time, leisure and personal interest, but I would not be who I am today without committing myself to improvements and taking the initial steps to plan my development. No doubt it was a painful process, but sacrifice is a part of life. It is not something to regret; it is something to aspire. It is not about lost but something to gain from the sacrifices.

This is also a year where I learn what is;

In the world where all is blinded by the chase of material stuffs to luxury properties, lost were the sense of appreciation of what they have or owned.

Appreciation and gratitude to the people we love and care is most important. I have to go through an extremely heartbroken period where I lost my father to truly understand the meaning of appreciation and not to take anyone for granted. I certainly do not want to go through another chapter in my life ever again feeling regrettable and remorse for not being a filial daughter, a loving person to all I love and cared.

Friendships are also greatly treasured in my life. I love meeting new people and by nature I am an easy-going person who gets along pretty well with most people. But it is those few selected friends that made my life so wonderful and happy; friends that were always there when I needed them to share my tears and laughter. The saying “friends come and go” doesn’t apply to this friends of mine. They will always be in my heart. Forever. This year, my friendships were bonded and made even more special by just a simply touch of appreciation.
“Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know”

Well, I see myself as a much better and cheerful person; personality wise. I have learnt to appreciate people in my life, to have more compassion to the less fortunate, to see the world from a much more simplicity aspects rather than to complicate matters and make life more difficult and unhappy. I have also been practicing the art of meditation and the benefits from it are so great that I absolutely encourage the practice to gain spiritual awareness and self-realization. I am definitely a calmer person now comparing to last year.

Learning from the past is certainly an essential step to self-improvements; but dwelling over the past will definitely not benefit anyone. So, enough of reflections as I am going to start thinking of my new year’s resolution and find a passion within myself to move on in life.

What is my passion?
Now, that is a question worth pondering.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Today is one of those happiest moments shared with people I cared and loved in my life. Every cell in my body is asleep and yet some part of me still wants to stay awake to blog this special day to keep the memory forever.

I know I’ve mentioned this a zillion times, yet it is still amazing that I am blessed with such beautiful friendships in my life. I could never ask for anything more. It all started almost seven years ago in a small skincare centre in Metrojaya Midvalley where we met and started our friendship in a rocky manner.

Gabrielle Tham:
The girl who were born just two days after me! Who shared the same uniqueness in character and a girl who is always a loving & caring friend to have around. She is FUN, hardworking, humble, a great companion for a cuppa coffee anytime! And a supporter to us all in any sort of situation! Without her, life will be like stall water!
Geraldine Yap:
Gentle yet strong minded, feminine yet sometimes she portray a certain toughness that surprise us all, Sometimes she could act like the lovely mummy to everyone, loves food, loves to eat, loves pork…….I used to control her eating habit to force her to lose the extra weight! That was when I wanted to introduce her to my handsome uncle, although their friendship didn’t move up another level but her weight did move down a few! But, she will always be the true supporter and sincerely make the effort to lend a helping hand. She was always the first one to tell me not to go back to my ex-boyfriend and threatens to call me a LOSER for life, if I go back to him. Haha! She is a true gem indeed..
Ming Yen Ong:
Cool exterior, warm at heart. HAHA! That about sums all! She’s the best character and of course a great friend to have around. Although she always looks and acts as if she is so steady and cool, deep down this woman is truly….a WOMAN!! She needs TLC all the time! Only true friends would know that :P She is certainly a independent woman, very opinionated, extremely reliable, and not to mention, a woman with a strong backbone.... yum! very desirable indeed! But as a friend; she is caring and understanding and I love her for that. Somehow, we always get the comment that our features are very similar... Maybe we were long lost sisters!
Bibi Choo:
Although we were never been a close friend but knowing Bibi Choo, she is never a harmful character and she will always be the Bibi Choo that we’ve known since Estee days. Nowadays, having a little princess certainly made her even more feminine than ever!
Charise Ho:
My dear meow……
This woman, she is like a gift from an angel. We were not colleagues in Estee Lauder. We met when I somehow got her an interview in Luxasia. We lunched a few times. Chat a bit here and there. Then somehow, she became the most special person in my life. There were so much that she is able to see for me that I am unable to see for myself. This woman is just so unbelievable. Although at times I understand that she needs time with her hubby and family; I try not to burden her too much with my troubles. But I know, if I need her… she will definitely be there for me. She was there
for me……at one of my lowest point in my life. She is certainly an angel in
my heart and I love her very much indeed!

There you go, the girls; plus their man!
Gabrielle with VJ
Geraldine with Jimmy
Ming Yen with her current beau; Mr. Aaron Wong Lap from the States
Charise with Mike
Bibi with Shaun

All gathered at my place tonight to celebrate Christmas; potluck style.
Plus a few more other great friends who made the celebration even more joyful!
Tasha, Calyn, Edmond, Joanne, BJ, Nic

**smile**My life is truly blessed with wonderful people.....

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Appreciate Every Moment

In a blink of an eye, days have whizzed by since the day my father passed away. This year was the first Chinese New Year celebration without him. It hurts to think that every year from this year on, I will be celebrating it without him; without his blessings, without his fussy instructions, without his bright smile. The celebration will never be the same again.

I thought about him during the New Year period, wondering where is he now? What is he experiencing? Is he still around the house with us? To say I do not miss him would be the biggest lie.

My dad was a respectable man and an inspirational and outstanding motivational speaker. If not for his guidance and his eye for perfection, I would not be who I am today. I remember the time when I needed to deliver an important speech to a hall of 200 people; he guided me on all the most important aspects of delivering a speech effectively.

He would make me face the mirror and allow me to observe my body language. He made me understand the importance of the tone of my voice and made me repeat my speech over and over again. His training was a major boost of confidence for me.

One sunny afternoon a few weeks back, I was included in a family swimming outing and got to observe two adorable girls swimming with their loving uncle. It brought me back to the days when my dad would bring my brother and I for a short holiday to the beach and our favourite activity would always be swimming. Dad would show us the correct ways to swim and he even bought us water guns! Those certainly are treasured memories.

I remember that two months before he passed away, my father wanted to take us to Penang for a short holiday and even booked the hotel for a three nights’ stay. That trip was cancelled because I had to work and my mother wasn’t keen to travel so far. Now I truly regret not having insisted on going. How could I have let my work stop me from spending precious time with my family?

It is still a little shocking to my soul to have to accept the fact that he is gone forever. My last words to him were ‘‘good-bye’’ when I left home to go for an hour of massage at a spa nearby. That night, my mother received the shocking news of his death from a policeman. He had died of a heart attack at a coffee-shop just a few kilometres from home. There wasn’t any sign that he was going to go away forever.

I had always imagined him giving me away on my wedding and being the most “happening’’ dad around my friends with his pleasant personality and charming smile. And someday, laughing and smiling from ear to ear while playing with my children. All these dreams have just been blown away.

Losing my dad certainly made me realise that life is both precious and fragile. At anytime the person you care about the most might be taken away from you forever and you will not be able to do anything about it.
I know I have to appear strong and not lose myself in my emotions. I know I am able to hide them, but that doesn’t mean I am dealing with them. In actual fact, I have to admit that I am not. I am just hoping that they won’t turn into a time-bomb that explodes in the future!

I swear to myself that I will not take my family and everyone I care for granted. Every moment with them will be cherished and kept in my heart for nothing is more precious than happy moments and laughter shared together.

This blog was published in The Sunday Star Newspaper 22nd February 2009:

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Party Weekend

Ageing is not just numbers (as in AGE) but how much your body is able to tolerate too much late nights and lesser and much lesser sleep.

Last night was such a FUN night for my girls and me. I've managed to organize a night out with my dearest girls to celebrate the birthday of Ming Yen and Geraldine. Although there were some hiccups initially but it was certainly a memorable night to last until the next gathering. I am truly blessed to have such beautiful friendships with these four angels; who have been there to hold my hands through bad times and were there to share the joy of the good. I am thankful for such a blessing gift that I couldn't ask for anything more; not even a Christmas gift personally delivered by Santa Clause himself on the eve of Christmas! My silly childhood fantasy! Haha!

But this is not the subject that I have in mind......


Sigh. My mind is so cloudy when it comes to this subject. This shows just how clueless and useless I am when it comes to men.

Sometimes I truly understand why some men commented on my ill-mannerism as I tend to ignore them when they come-on to me too strongly. In situations; where I am not interested to further the relationship into something more than just an innocent friendship. Take for example a guy who was very frank of what he wanted from me. An offer of a one night with no attachment fling; which I will never lower my little self-esteem to accept that offer. That is when I am categorized in the ill-mannerism groupie. He just kept on harassing me in the hope that I will give-in someday and then self-invite to join me and my girls last night at our party. Allow me to let out a huge SIGH again!

There are also in some cases where I am interested in the guy, but am as clueless yet again as how to express my interest in him.

Do I tell him directly? Do I make a brave move; kiss or look at him with a sexy smile? Haha! I will certainly look like a whore with no business and trying her very best not to go home alone! Pathetic! But in the end...I did nothing!

Will softer approach work better? But come to think of it, I don't really know what approach is the best because I am totally clueless. I am really curious what is going on in the mind of MEN.

What I understand from my friends is that the harder the girl tried, the colder the guy acts towards her. On the other hand, the more the guys are being rejected; the harder they work to get the girls' attention. I am utterly confused. Are they playing some kinda game here?

People see me as a “Party Girl”, meaning a girl who enjoys showing off and having FUN every weekend at clubs just so she could grab any guy she wanted; most probably a different one every weekend.

If that is the image that I am portraying by going dancing on weekends; then no wonder I am attracting guys who only wants a one night affair with me. The best one I have experienced was a guy who told me all he wanted to hear from me are dirty jokes and wanted to take me to a cheap hotel on our first date. I should have given that guy a slap he will remember for life, but I am too well-mannered to choose that option and just opt to sternly saying NO and hope he doesn’t rape me. I certainly don’t want to lose faith in the hope of finding my Prince someday; somehow all these bad experiences with men truly made me think that my Prince is unreachable. The number of gnomes outnumbered the Princes in this world!

I don’t need lots of Princes; just someone with intelligence and humble; someone I respected and cared because he respect and care for me as well; someone who loves his family and takes care of them; someone who treats me well and make me feel like a Princess, someone who'll drown me with sweetness, someone whom I am comfortable with and someone who is always on my mind 24/7…..

Does this mean I have to give up weekend dancing at clubs?

To look for other options to spend my weekends than to party til the wee hours and not getting any sleep the next day?

Yes, the answer to the above is YES.

I have found the solution to remove the “Party Girl” title from my collection; but have yet to find the solution to express my feelings to that someone I cared.

**Wishing to free myself from the evil-minded gnomes**

by Joselyn Lee