Monday, June 29, 2009

An awaken heart

once upon a time
I made a wish upon a star
for a knight in shining armor

time went by and life moved on
and little did I know
that sometimes wishes take a while
to blossom and to grow.

I kept my head up high
I have been hurt many times.
my heart filled with so much pain.
but now that pain has gone away.

for my heart is tasting candies
savoring the exclusive sweetness
melting like delicious divine chocolates
smiling and singing like the birds in summer sky

in your arms I have felt and seen,
a wonderful feeling that I cannot believe.
in your kisses I have awaken,
my sleeping heart.
now my heart just can't stop smiling
whenever I am with you.

*a special dedication to Bubbles...*
Poem by Joselyn Lee

Friday, June 26, 2009

The shocking news of Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson 29 Aug 1958 - 25 June 2009

I thought of copying some news of Michael Jackson's shocking death from the Internet as the thought of writing about his death brings sadness to me. However, I would really want to jot down some lovely memories of the King of Pop as I certainly did grew up idolizing his amazing music and ever impressive & marvelous stage performance. No one can ever do it like Micheal Jackson.... He were not crowned "King of Pop" for nothing...

His ever magnificent performance on stage is what made him the biggest pop star...

The news is still shocking even now...

According to the news, he died of cardiac arrest at his home on Thursday at the age of 50. Apparently he was rehearsing at full force for his greatest comeback concert starting on July 13th in London.

I remembered I tried to mimicked his dance moves when I was little and I love to see him on TV. I also remembered he was in Malaysia in the year where I was to sit for my PMR examination and my mom bought us tickets to his grand concert, it was a bomb! I can still remember the opening gambit where he appeared from a spaceship thingy... There were so many people and so crowded that Michael Jackson were as tiny as a peanut from where we were standing, but we had the most amazing time! My mom is really great! She brought me to the concert eventhough I have to sit for the Science paper the next morning! Haha! Thank god I aced the paper......

I wonder how the life of such a famous person like Michael Jackson has been; along with those HK superstars like Anita Mui and Leslie Cheung, I believe his life is not as beautiful as what everyone perceives. It's just so sad that his life is a tragic as of his death.

Famous people like them has to face the media every single day. Even smelling the roses outside his doorstep would be invaded by the force of the paparazzi. Seems like their life is like an open book where people like us are amused and entertained by reading nonsensical news about their every steps and moves in life. It's certainly a price they have to pay to earn such moneys.

I wouldn't want to go into the negative side of his life as I think everyone deserves the right for living their own lives without the intrusion of strangers and their non-important comments. Michael Jackson will certainly be the only King of Pop and his legend will certainly live forever. This I am sure of because there is no one in this world would have done the moonwalk as perfect and as original, sing "Black and White" "Billie Jean" "Beat it" "Thriller" the way he did, or even love children the way he always wanted to.

*A moment of silent please....***** Thank you....

I admit I have tears rolling down my cheeks when I heard of his death. However, I wish for his afterlife to be a better and much more beautiful & peaceful place for his soul....Definitely a happier place for him to be and maybe my dad will meet him and sing a tune with him...

Life is indeed short and unpredictable. If it is predictable, he would have scheduled his comeback a few months earlier... So, my dear readers, bloggers, friends and family... Live everyday as if it is your last, appreciate every moment... Be blessed to see the sunrise and be grateful to witness the magnificent sunset.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sexy Nerdo...

Me gonna be sexy nerdo for 2 weeks!
**Snif snif sob sob**
Had the longest wait at the hospital and feeling most unproductive today! Hmm... doctors must be earning alot huh... I've already made appointment and yet was kept in the waiting list.. yeaaaa....
waiting list = forever WAIT la!!
Had been feeling discomfort in my eyes for the past few weeks and kept getting comments from my colleagues that my eyes are damn red… Initially I just thought must be tired eyes from facing the computer screen for long hours; thus shrugged off the thought…

However, my eyes started to itch and dryness kept occurring; to a point where I can’t even wear my contacts without feeling tightness on my eyeball… and contacts kept disappearing into my eyes... just like chipsmore tagline "Now you see it....NOW YOU DON'T!"

Reluctantly, still thinking it’s no big a deal… I made an appointment with the doctor…. Whoa!! Doctor confirmed there are some abnormal blood vessels growth in my eyes caused by continuous stress & long hours of wearing contact lenses…. This according to the doctor might lead to loss of vision! **pengsan**
Pengsan = Fainted
Thank god I made the effort to visit the Doctor.... There's so much more to see in this world that I have yet to see.... The world is so beautiful, how can I not see it? So must must must take care of my eyes.....
Doctor's advices:
1. No contact lenses at least for 2 weeks *gulp* Which means gonna hide hide my beautiful eyes behind glasses??
2. Do not stare too long on screens......Computer, TV....ermm... have to work ler... HOW??
3. Apply medication 3 times a day...without fail....
4. See her again in 2 weeks to check my eyes condition..... which means have to pay the super-duper expensive consultation fees!!
The medication for my eyes.......

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Nasty ants!

After long hours at work, the evening was supposed to end with a relaxing steamy-hot shower... then some jazzy music... and slowly relaxing myself into dreamland......

however... i was awaken by a painful bite...........

ANTS bite!! Aaaahhhhh!

just thinking of them makes me shiver all over!! yuckss...ewww....

I found them crawling out of my laptop.... must be from the office...... ughhh!!

Look at them happily invading my privacy and delightfully disturbing my peace......

Now I am just too awake to go into dreamland..... feeling afraid even to enter my room eventhough it has been thoroughly vacuumed, scrubbed, sprayed...... yet I could still feel those nasty ants.............. even thinking about them brings back memories of the nasty painful bite......can feel their evilness.....most probably eerily laughing at me too!.......ughh....


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Wonderful Jazzy Weekend

The long awaited jazzy weekend was certainly worth the "long" wait. It was such a lovely day courtesy of "bubbles" yet again *smiles*........ starting with "education" adventure at Pusat Sains Negara.... hmmm... there were quite a number of kids around and if I remembered correctly... the last time I've been to such "education" trip was....I think I don't even remember! Haha! was FUN! seriously.....

There were so many amusing lessons on the human body function, some physics stuffs... ermm... also those long forgotten chemistry stuffs.... there were lots lots more! We couldn't believe it when we realized we were the only "students" left at closing time! Time just flew by.... and we didn't even felt it.... that was how "FUN" the lessons were... Haha! How come I don't feel that in school huh??

Only after leaving the building did I felt thirsty and so darn tired!

"Education" is certainly draining!!

Had to take power nap to re-charge for the alluring jazz performance at Alexis Ampang ---> checkout whoa! Really amazing...

The food was absolutely delicious.... I was so hungry by then....the chicken pot pie and pizza was yummy! plus the ambience atmosphere certainly relaxed me and not to mention....... but I must must must mention.......the music was.....enchanting~

It was performed by Anita Wardell , a jazz singer from the UK and her voice is so melodic and harmonious to the music played by her band.... her uniqueness must be her signature singing --> which sounds something like this "badibudababa didibudibadubaba" sang with high low notes that is so well harmonized with the music....the right term is "Scat Singing" was certainly amazing! ......I didn't want the evening to end....

"Bubbles" got me the album from Anita Wardell titled 'Kinda Blue' and got it signed by the singer herself.....*proud* see my name?? Haha! Now I can blue everyday and night...... til maybe I want some pink....or purple....

Of course, the evening had to end somehow... however I am so grateful to have such lovely jazzy moments with "Bubbles"... I certainly appreciate the sweet gestures to make the weekend so wonderful for me...

7 sweet melting heart-shaped chocolates

I couldn't ask for a more enjoyable jazzy evening shared exclusively with "Bubbles"..... I might want to be greedy and can't wait for more other moments to be shared.... *wink wink*

Thursday, June 18, 2009

de Age thingy...again...

Whoa! Suddenly, I just realized tomorrow is already Friday which only means another week has flew by in another blink of an eye. This week was truly another hectic week with schedules comprises of trainings, Coaching the Consultants at the counters, meetings, scheduling trainings for the coming months, ensuring everything will be in place for those trainings, stock arrival, products arrangements & organizing….the list goes on and on…. not to mention me getting sick and just recovered from mild asthma….

Oh yea… my boss is in town too! As I sat through his training on the new SK-II anti-aging products (yet to be launched!), the word anti-aging triggered something in me. I am no longer 21 or 25, somehow it is the age where people categorized as the ideal age. Unbelievable as 25 seems like just a few months ago...... really!

Damn….in another 2-3 years, I will be moving into an entirely new category! I will not even belong to the late-twenties category! Wait…..2-3 years? Can I have more?? *sob sob snif snif*

Although I know age is never an issue because it is how we live our life that matters rather than let the number control our life. Well, then we shouldn’t even celebrate birthdays as it is the cruelest reminder ever! Ever.

Can you imagine being reminded again that you are old, ugly and dying by a cake?

I came to realized that most of my friends are either…

1. Married
2. Almost married
3. Pregnant
4. Been pregnant
5. Pregnant again
6. Almost pregnant again
7. All of the above

Secondly, most recently I have received sad news of the passing away of a parent from two ex-school mates. This only means we’re growing up and the grown-ups are growing older.

Sigh. I don’t even know why am I blogging about this. Maybe because of the AGE factor again. Nobody wants to grow up so soon and realized that the candy has been taken away.

I still want my candy.......

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Happy Father's Day to Daddy

You didn’t say goodbye,
I never thought you would be leaving
You were gone before I knew it,
I wonder why we didn’t foresee it

I didn’t think I needed you,
I cried a million times
If Love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died

In Life I did not show,
In death my heart suffered
For the love I should have shown,
Came haunting since the day you left

In my heart you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill
You will forever be my angel,
Loving and guiding me still

It broke my heart to lose you,
I now know how much I love you
A part of me went with you,
The day that God took you…..

By Joselyn Lee

This photo shows the last celebration of Father's Day with the heroes in my life. My grandfather and my daddy.

I JUST can’t believe a year ago today was my last Father’s day celebration with my daddy. I didn’t know it that day.

It hurts me that I thought Daddy would always be around to celebrate the day. Now, all the memories come flooding back. If only I had realised it then, maybe I would have cherished him more.

I remember he was looking forward to a family gathering for Father’s Day and asked me to phone my uncle to invite him to join us. I made a huge fuss because I didn’t want to. He wanted to have dinner at his favourite restaurant downtown, but I suggested a restaurant nearby because I didn’t want to drive so far.

I remember I once bought him a cute cartoon tie for the occasion. It was meant to be a joke, but daddy felt sad because he didn’t think I appreciated him. Then last year, I bought him something he told me he wanted, to make up for the tie.

Now, the tie and all the other things I’d bought him are left hanging in his wardrobe. He didn’t take anything with him.

I know my daddy wanted me to pamper him, to love him and care for him. But I did not because I was resentful of the hurt he had caused me when I was young. Although he had apologised and changed for the better, I subconsciously never forgave him.

If only my daddy were here today. I would not buy him anything. I would not take him anywhere. I would just shower him with my love and care. I just want him to know how much I appreciated him and to thank him for being there, all my life.

I hope God will send these thoughts to Daddy and tell him that his little daughter has forgiven him and will forever have him in her heart. For he is truly my No. 1hero. My guardian angel. Now and forever. Happy Father’s Day.

This entry was published in the Sunday Star Newspaper 21st June 2009 in conjunction with Father's Day Celebration.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Be inspired!

If I am able to inspire someone today, what action will I take?

Sounds simple? Why would it not?

I often get comments from people around me that I smile a lot. When my dad passed away few months back, I was back at work a week after his funeral and a colleague commented that I don’t look too sad because I was smiling like my usual self. Well, they can’t be expecting me to turn up crying at work right? Even though my heart was broken into millions of tiny dusts……

Days where my work was eating my soul, my mouth will not fail to curve into a half-moon; with the pointed-ends turning upwards of course! Some colleagues asked me why I always look so happy, because I never fail to flash them my friendly smile. Maybe I have been practicing the art of smiling since my pageant days that it has become a habit to *smile* with mere eye contact with someone. I remember those days when I was representing my country in a pageant, the only time I was not require to smile was when we returned to our hotel after a full-day of back-to-back activities; feet & jaw super-duper tired from muscles cramp!

I suppose all those practices have paid off now since most people commented that I am a walking smiley. Let me do a short count down on the benefits of having a smile as the most important outfit everyday…..

SMILE and the world smiles with you!

10. Stay fit; smile for breakfast, lunch and dinner….

9. Jaw exercise; able to avoid having double chin as you age….

8. As popular as Leonardo Da Vinci;
you are your own Mona Lisa

7. Nourishing for health; a smile a day keeps the doctor away

6. Anti-aging solution; smiling makes you look younger! At least 5 years…

5. Richer than Michael Bloomberg (15th richest man); might be a wee bit easier with a smile than a frown… maybe Colgate might wanna sign you as their ambassador…

4. Fashion statement; your smile is your own fashion brand…alone! No PRADA or GUCCI can ever have the same one as yours…

3. Miss Universe status; smiling makes you look more desirable & attractive…

2. Expand your social network… A smile a day brings you a friend everyday!

1. Become a Buddha… ; inspire others and break bad Karmas!

Well, 10 truly important tips from me on

"Why a SMILE is the most important outfit everyday?"

I hereby loudly and boldly declare that I have inspired someone today!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Happiness is...

As I browse through past entries in my blog, it made me realize again just how much I have changed throughout the short months that I have started blogging. I believe there are no good or bad changes, just the change that I need to go through in each phase of my life to grow and mature to another level.

I think one of the more obvious changes that I noticed of myself is my perspective on happiness. Happiness used to be when my boyfriend will do something for me, happiness used to be when my parents will listen to me, happiness used to be when I get that job I wanted, happiness used to be when I win that pageant, happiness used to be when everyone agree that I am talented, happiness used to be when I get an LV bag, happiness used to be when I get a vacation to Europe…etc.

Happiness used to be depended on other people. Happiness that depends on other people is usually short-term happiness.

What is happiness without any pain?
What is happiness without any gain?
Happiness is contentment.
Happiness may also be a wonderful achievement.
Happiness can be defined as satisfaction
Which we get after doing a noble action.
Happiness can be achieved by doing selfless deeds.
By this we can sow the 'Humanity seeds
'Love one another as I have loved you,
Follow this golden principle and you will find,
Happiness awaiting you with armsopen and welcoming you.

Poem by Green Peace…

I am still seeking happiness, however, I understand now that happiness is not just skin deep. Happiness is a state of our mind; it is controllable by no one else but you. We all have the power to control what we feel, act or do. The law of attraction teaches us how to control our mind by always being positive because when you think good, good things will happen. Yes, it is that simple. Life is simple so please don’t be a smart Alex and try to make it complicated.

My own quote of life is “Life is short; would you wanna leave the world tomorrow with the memory of sadness or happiness of today?”

I am a happier person and I know I will be happy in life because I want to be happy. Nonetheless, being happy alone is not enough because happiness is supposed to be shared.

the purest of love is the love of family.... the support and nourishments that mold me into who I am today... the foundation of my confidence and strength...

moments of happiness from these darlings of mine....

the friendships that are sweeter than sugar itself; the laughter shared, the tears shed, the wonderful hugs that makes everything seems perfect....

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Pole Star - PIXIE

Our very own POLE STAR - PIXIE

Witnessed an absolute crazeee nite with gorgeous & talented ladies & gentlemen performing their pole talents at Saigon Bar Bangsar.

Especially my dearest Michelle aka Pixie, who did an amazing performance and wow-ed the crowd with her graceful moves and stunning & fashionable image! I was screaming like a mad fan while trying to get a glimpse of her through the over-flowing crowd.... I don't think I have done that since BSB concert in Sunway Lagoon

Check out the video I have uploaded on YouTube.....

Aside from de gorgeous pixie....pixie's dad was the most "happening" person in the crowd!

Ever seen an angelic-gentle-grandpa-looking guy sitting on top of the bar table and cheering loud loud for the daughter like an American Idol #1 Fan would do?

One of these days you gonna catch a glimpse of him in the pages of Star Newspaper.... and you will remember I have notified you beforehand... *winks*

Daddy & daughter smiling together gether for the camera.... *envy*

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Heart still smiling...

Whoa! This weekend must be one of those exciting weekend ever!.. The longest one as well....... it feels like the longest one! Thursday evening already felt like a Saturday!
Tonight I had a fabulous evening courtesy of a certain sweet...let's just tag him as "Bubbles"....... *wink wink* ....

Why Bubbles leh??

Well, it's a joke between us that is not meant to be shared here! Haha! Not because he looks like one, certainly not because he acts like one.... nothing of him is like "Bubbles" at all.... except maybe.......... *smiles*

Anyway... We went for an awesome 3D Animation at the cinema, I can't believe I haven't been to one!

How 'sakai' can I be huh??!

sakai = out-dated!

But seriously! I was quite excited to wear those goggles which apparently might cost about RM200 if you damaged it or "accidently misplaced" it into your bag or inside your pocket without returning it at the end of the show... somehow, I didn't have the urge to do that because the goggles might be FUN in the CINEMA... but it's horrendously icky if we were to accidently wear it in public.... *hiuk hiuk*
Certainly not stylo mylo!

The jelly without a brain... but full of IDEAS!!
HAha! I think I know some people like that too...

Went for dinner after the movie as my stomach was already growling from hunger... stepped into a restaurant and saw a huge bunch of people wearing PAJAMAS!! OMG.... I thought the goggles were still on me....

After double checking with "Bubbles"... yeaa.... there were a bunch of humans wearing Pajamas in the middle of a mall in a restaraunt... hugging pillows and god knows what else!

OMG again...... maybe it's BOB of the human race.....

Thank god I didn't choked on the delicious dragon fruit salad!

Never ending excitement of the evening as the next stop...........

yeaa!! Live performance at Alexis @ Great Eastern Mall....

The band was so well co-ordinated in my opinion as every single person in the band compliments one another! It was fantastic!

Plus 1 guy who's hair is so long... til his... ermm... the mountain behind his back *hiuk hiuk*....yeaa...ermm.. this guy who managed to always surprise the audience... maybe only me lar... with extra musical "barang" that he hid somewhere to add some spice to the performance... very..ermm... creative indeed! I dunno how they call those extra musical "barang" but I named them salt & pepper...and ajinomoto too!

Bravo! Bravo indeed! *clap clap clap*

Barang = stuffs

It was such a fabulous night that I have to keep awake to blog it down... even though I am dead tired and sleepy from lack of rest since last night.... Oh yea... my heart is still smiling cos I have enjoyed the evening so much... gonna sleep now with the sweetest dreams and drums playing in la-la land.... ZzzZzzzZ~~

Friday, June 5, 2009

Hennessy Artistry 2009 the global art of mixing

Attended another Hennessy Artistry Event and this time it was held at Phuture@Zouk.
It was quite amazing how the whole place was magically transformed into a glamourous Hennessy theme...
I remembered the last one I went to was at Orange Club and it wasn't as glamourous as last night.
It was impressive indeed!

However, I find Phuture is a wee bit too tiny comparing to The Orange Club.... resulting in a sardine-packed-like situation... We were slightly late and we awkwardly squeezed into the crowd... only to realize the show was almost over!
Sigh...Plus most of the nice drinks were gone too... I was actually looking forward to their nice nice cocktails!
Aside from the glamourous setup, I still prefer the previous Hennessy experience!

Us trying our best to look glamourous too!

It was indeed another great night with wonderful friends.....

For future Hennessy Artistry Event; keep yourself updated by visiting

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Pixie @ Viva Vertical Pole Competition!

My dearest darling aka PIXIE will be featured in the upcoming VIVA VERTICAL POLE DANCING competition @ Saigon Bar, Bangsar...

I'm so proud of her! We started taking pole dancing lessons together but I had to stop because of work. dearest darling is so 'keng' already!
I am so excited for her and can't wait to see her in action! Gambateh!

keng = excellent!

Gorgeous Pixie showing her poling talents...

Group practices.....

Please don't be so 'kampung' to immediately think pole dancing is something dirty or strip-tease style exotic dance to lure men into ecstacy.... tsk tsk tsk~
Pole Dancing happens to be the latest fitnest craze that involves alot of strength and flexibility to be able to stay on the pole or swing with the pole. It involves alot of hard work... and it's actually quite fun too! Although I have only been to 3 classes, but I have enjoyed those 3 classes so much!

kampung = old fashioned!

Take a look at this video which gives us all a glimpse of a

Miss Pole Dance competition in Canada....

See or not?! They are just as graceful as any gymnasts or ballerinas...... so don't be "kampung"...

Create your own change...

Just conducted another round of training today for our newly promoted leaders of the brand and it was a such an enjoyable one that I don't feel my headache nor my bodyache throughout the whole training. However, the ache came back again a few hours after returning home...aihh~

Thinking back to my childhood, it is amazing how I truly have changed over the years. If you have seen me grow up, you will share the same sentiments.

Growing up, I always dream of becoming an artist or a cook. Haha! Hard to believe as I know I was never an artist! A cook?? My mom will surely laugh at this! What I am trying to imply is I never would have thought that I would be a Trainer for a prestige skincare brand. The thought never even crossed my mind once...... Seriously, I never thought I would have ended up as a Trainer in the beauty industry.

Remember the song... Que Sera Sera? That's what I used to ask my mom..... but my mom was never a musician, so she doesn't sing for me! Haha!

So, what happened in my growing up process that brought me such fate? What has made me discover my unique talent in communication and presentation? What has pushed me forward to pursue a career that put my unique talent in good use?

First of all.... Know yourself with asking these questions:

Self-reflective questions to help you begin:

1. What are your unique talents?

2. If you were fully engaged, applying your talents, how would you feel?

3. What is your intuition – not your inner critic – telling you to pursue to be part of the solution?

4. What’s stopping you?

If you don't know yourself best, who would? So, start knowing what you truly want. Ask this questions without any analysing or critism. Just don't go in detail, because the first thing that comes into your mind is usually from your heart. Then your intelligent brains will start analyzing for you, telling you what is right and what is wrong.

Then the next steps would be to inspire yourself by these thoughts and never give up until you succeed!

1. Keep searching!
If you are not sure of which talent to pursue to be part of the change you see, look back into your history to search for interrupted dreams. Life takes over, and dreams get tucked away waiting to be awakened.

2. You are a leader!
Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. You haven’t walked in their shoes, and they haven’t walked in yours. You are always evolving.

3. Fear are for losers!
Play a bigger game, and don’t let fear rob you of the leader you are meant to be. No matter what you do in life, you get to lead.

4. Be inspired and inspire others!
Doing what inspires you makes a big difference and attracts the best in you and in others.

5. Visualize!
In your imagination, start rehearsing the change you want with images of positive possibilities. If you keep thinking about the worse possible scenario, then you give the negative power to attract more negativity.

6. Be positive and always think you can!
Remember – anything is possible! If you think you will fail even before you start, most probably you already have. It's as simple as that....

Most important attitude that contributes to my success so far is I have a never-give-up attitude. I also believe in my own abilities and strengths, always striving to learn and improve myself in every way... I only get to be JOSELYN LEE once eh... why not be the best I can be??

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hugs to JUNE

Welcoming the month of June with open arms indeed! I'm not sure why am I so happy to welcome June.....maybe it's because:

1. Half of the year has slipped fast!

2. June's schedule at work is pretty cool

3. I am sniffing something cheeky is gonna happen!

4. Year end is coming close! Which means X'mas again... hehe! pressies & parties....

5. fast think of year end dy.... No wonder starting of the year so gloomy!

6. Is it because of the book I have been reading?

7. Maybe because July & August is not looking so cool....

8. aaahhh.....something cheeky is definitely coming up!


10.....and HOW?

LOL~ If only you understand what the above is all about!

Which means life is short and we must be able to make life as exciting and fulfilling as possible. Today is not even the 1st of June, it's already the 2nd day in the month of June. With another blink of an eye, it will be end of June and I will be welcoming July with a sad face....

Would like to share some intelligent words:

"There are 3 enemies of personal peace:
REGRET over yesterday's mistakes,
ANXIETY over tomorrow's problems and
INGRATITUDE for today's blessing"

10 keys to LOVE

I have heard so much about people expressing their curiosity of what LOVE is. Worst of all, some don't even know the feeling of true love. I came across this article somewhere and found it logical yet simple definition & explanation of Love & Relationship....

Enjoy and hope we all get to learn a thing or two... Better still... learn all ten!

It's free advice anyway!

Article written by DR. SUE JOHNSON

So love is illogical, random, and mysterious, yes? Not any more. We have cracked the code. In the last few years, social scientists and therapists who practice emotionally focused therapy (or EFT) have made a breakthrough. Now, at the beginning of the twenty-first century, we have a map to this passion, this fever that has baffled poets and lovers all through human history.

Here is some of what we know:

1. We are born to need each other.
The human brain is wired for close connection with a few irreplaceable others. Accepting your need for this special kind of emotional connection is not a sign of weakness, but maturity and strength.

So don’t feel ashamed of this need for a safe loving bond.

2. In love relationships emotional hurt is a mixture of anger, sadness but most of all, fear.
Fear of being abandoned, and rejected. This hurt registers in the same part of our brain as physical hurt. It is too hard to push these feelings aside or ignore them. The first step to dealing with injuries in love is to pinpoint the feeling and then to send clear messages about this hurt to the one you love

So don’t just “ignore hurts” with the idea that they will up and go away.

3. The strongest among us are those who can reach for others.
Love is the best survival strategy of all. We all long for a safe haven love relationship. Self-sufficiency is just another word for loneliness.

So risk reaching out and fighting for this safe haven. It is the best investment you’ll ever make.

4. Relationships can survive partners being very different.
Even if you think you are from different planets it’s okay. The one thing love can’t survive is constant emotional disconnection. Conflict is often less dangerous for your love than distance.

So after a fight, put it right. Repair it, heal the rift between you.

5. There is no perfect lover.
That is only in the movies. We shut down when we think we have failed as lovers, when we have disappointed. But our lover doesn’t want perfect performance. In the end he or she needs our emotional presence.

So it’s okay to say, “I don’t know what to do or say.” Just stay open and present.

6. The fights that matter are never about sex, money, or the kids.
That is just the ripple on the surface of the sea. They are about someone protesting, often in an indirect way that is hard to understand, the loss of safe emotional connection. The most terrible trap in a love relationship is when one person really wants to say, “Where are you? Do I matter to you?” but instead becomes critical and demanding and the other person feels hopeless and inadequate and moves away. The lovers then get caught in emotional starvation, stalemate, and more and more disconnection.

So do try to tell each other when you feel lonely and like you are failing at being the perfect partner, especially if you are having lots of fights about tasks. Look beneath the surface.

7. We only have two ways to deal with the vulnerability of love when we can’t connect.
Get mad and move in fast to break down the other’s walls or try not to care so much, and build a wall to protect yourself. Which one do you do? You probably learned it very young.

So do try to listen to your longings and risk reaching to connect. These other two options are traps that drive your lover away from you.

8. A loving relationship is the best recipe for a long and happy life that exists.
Holding your lover tight is the ultimate antidote to stress. Cuddle hormones turn off stress hormones!

So do take time to hold and canoodle. It’s better than taking your vitamins.

9. Lasting passion is entirely possible in love.
Infatuation is just the prelude. An attuned loving bond is the symphony. This kind of bond creates what I call synchrony sex. Sex becomes a safe adventure.

So don’t give up when sex goes into a temporary slump. Talk about it. Making love without candid conversation is like landing a 747 without help from the control tower!

10. The key moments in love are when partners open up and ask for what they need and the other partner responds.
This demands courage but this is the moment of magic and transformation.
So take a deep breath and listen into your emotions. Let them tell you what you need. Then tell your partner that they are so special to you that you want to take a risk and tell them what you need from them most. Keep it simple and honest.

When you have a blueprint for love you can build it. In EFT studies, seven out of ten couples repair their relationship. Love doesn’t have to be a mystery anymore.