Sunday, February 24, 2008


Decisions decisions decisions....yeah...just when I thought life is good and happy. I don't like being so moody all the time because of this 'trapped' feeling inside me. When I look back at my life, I think I have never regretted anything for I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I am who I am now because of what I went through in my life. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the making this huge life changing decision...decisions that I have to make in order to move on in life. Wrong decisions? Right decisions? Life is all about decisions eh?..Am I buying the the affordable Kancil or the car of my dreams? Shall I go to college or get a job? Shall I move on with life or suffer for the rest of my life with him?

I read this somewhere and it stuck to my mind after reading it because I felt it connected to my situation now;

"Whatever decisions you make is the only one you could make. Otherwise you would
make a different one. Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret?
You are the person you chose to be."
"Simply change your life. The world is
what you think of it. So think of it differently and your life will change"

I always think my life is so simple and I do want to have a simple life. I don't need to be super rich, I don't need a handsome guy. I don't need to wear diamonds. I don't even want to go shopping in Milan or Paris or wherever or honeymoon in the carribean. I just want the simple thing in life which is to be happy and to make people I care happy. But my life is getting more and more complicated. No point myself lying to the whole world but inside me...I'm extremely unhappy and lonely. Yeah, I can lie to the whole world but I can never lie to myself. I think I really need to get away for some time and decide what I need to do next.

I really hate what I'm going through now. I wish there's someone who can make this decision for me and tell me what to do. Sigh, I know there are people who thinks I am being very emotional and stupid, I also know there are some people who will possibly tell me that to move on if I'm unhappy and find another victim to replace the vacancy. Well, I too wish it's that simple. It's not that simple after 7 years.

Maybe I should continue with what I was doing, pretending everything is cool and put all my energy and concentration into my work. Then be miserable all over again after the sunsets and I'm alone in the comfort of my own shell, sorry, the comfort of my new Elle bed!

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