Tuesday, February 16, 2010

the talk I need... to find some answers...

Something strange happened, I realized I am different. Different in ways that is indefinable. Truly difficult to explain in words.

I feel what others are feeling.

I was watching a concert on TV this evening, when the singer explain her feelings and experiences in life... I felt her pain and her suffering. I understood her. Her life was very miserable as she was forbidden to be herself, to portray a version where her fans would approve of. To be someone but herself. Somewhere somehow, she lost her way in life. She went into depression and stopped working for almost 2 years. With the love and support from her family, she bounced back stronger and spiritually more mature.

Maybe that's why I feel her. I am now at the junction of life where I need to choose which path to continue on my life journey. It is the path where there is no guarantee of what the future may be like. It is the choice that will mold the future.

Do I want to stay where I am now and ignore my passion?

Do I want to ignore my needs?

Do I want to pretend my own perspective doesn't exist and continue living as what others presume is the right choice?

Do I really have a choice to live my own life?

I used to be very confident with my choices. Somehow, somewhere in my life, that confident went missing. I doubt every step I take in life. I am afraid of taking that first step. That first crucial step to my passion.

Afraid = fearful, cowardly, discouraged, terrified, worried, reluctant.... etc

What am I afraid of? Or rather WHO am I afraid of?

There are certainly a lot of questions to ponder; however, I only live once. At the end of my life, it is myself that I need to answer to if I lived an unhappy life, if my life is unfulfilled, if I have not done what I should have done, if I ignored my passion, if I regretted my choices in life... Nobody but myself to blame.

So the important questions to ask myself:

WHAT IF I have only 5 more years to live?
What would I want to do within these 5 years of my life?

I believe.... the answers is deep inside my heart....


  1. Beutifully well written, follow your heart. My father used to say "can't is not in our family's vocabulary.

    For example I suffer from a muscle disorder but can't is not in vocab and I ran a marathon. Dream big!!!

  2. i think u already have the list in your hands... just need to make them happen now...
    so have my advices enlightened u?
    or i have confused u further? :P

  3. Thanks Emeila for the beautiful comment and for sharing a few words of advice :)

    Bubbles... u've made my life so much more wonderful with your support & encouragement... now i'm waiting for our brain-storming session on the HOW... hopefully before u board the plane to US and our goodbye kisses...