Monday, October 20, 2008

Life will never be the same again

Life was not the same ever since dad passed away and I believe it will never be the same. I am still reluctant to believe that he's gone and we will never see him again in this life. His passing is just too sudden and unexpected.

I did a lot of soul searching for the past one week and there are so much in life that we want; material stuffs. I stress yet again; all these material stuffs are so unimportant when we leave this world and bring not the material stuffs with us but our soul & memories. We also leave memories behind that loved ones will cherish and treasure. Going through my dad's stuffs, it's his memories that brought tears to my eyes. The longing to hear his voice & listen to his words of wisdom, to see his smile & hear his laughter, to feel his care & love for his family. All these memories are fondly engraved in my heart forever.

I remember when he used to smoke his cigars in the kitchen, I would run away because I hated the smell of his cigars. Yet, I long to have a sniff of that scent now. He used to tell me & my bro that we must appreciate what we have in life and not regret only when we lose them. It somehow hurts me to think I might not have showed much appreciation when he was around. I've not been the perfect daughter to him and took great care of him when he was around. All these doesn't matter now as he is not around anymore.

Life is so fragile. Nothing can be done to turn back time. Nothing can be done when a person is dead. Nothing can be done to bring that person back from death. Then why must we live life everyday in anger....frustration....hurt....sadness.....jealousy..... stressed!! Aren't we supposed to live life everyday as if it's our last day on earth and do things that we know will bring goodness to the people around us and that we enjoy doing instead?? To appreciate each breath we intake and the sunrise.... to laugh and spread love to everyone.... to see good in everyone and help those in need & the unfortunate..... to surround ourselves with happiness and joy every single day.....

Or only regret not doing the above when we leave this world suddenly and no way to come back and live the life that we intend to?

I'm sure there must be life after death. Different beliefs have different theories of life after death. Nobody knows except for those who already went there and living the life of the after-death. Being a strong believer of the teachings of Buddha myself, I believe my dad is now with the buddhas in the Pure Land, practicing the teachings of buddhas and waiting for us to join him in the Pure Land of Buddhas. I do hope that I will meet dad again in the Pure Land someday.
Dad, I love you and I will always remember all that you've taught me. You've been the inspiration to me and a great mentor for my development as a Trainer. If it was not for your guidance and inspiration, I would not have taken the brave steps into becoming who I am today. This will be the greatest gift from you that I will cherish forever. May your soul rest in peace and I will pray for your well-being in your life after death. I'm sure you will always be protecting and looking after us from wherever you are now. I will certainly miss you forever. Please tell yeh-yeh & ma-ma that I misses them as well. I will take over your responsibility to take care of mom and brother. I love you, dad. Very much indeed. Goodbye.

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