Sunday, February 8, 2009

Facing the demon

Yet again I have come to another point in my life where a life-changing decision has to be made. Since the start of the Chinese New Year celebration, I have been weighing the pros and cons, hoping to come to a firm conclusion and decide which directions to move next.

Fear is what I have been feeling.
Fear of failure.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of disappointing people around me.
Fear of lost opportunities.
Fear. Fear. Fear….

As I was browsing through some books in MPH yesterday, I was attracted to a book titled “One Month To Live”. A thirty days guide to a no-regret life. Pathetic as it sounds, I was desperate! Desperate to force that final push to move on in life!

One chapter emphasizes on risks in life…..

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
Nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.

Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run Than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure,
Or nothing….

-Helen Keller-

So, what am I clinging to right now that needed to let go of in order to move forward in my life? How can I break away and attempt greater things in life? Deep down inside, I know I have the answer. I know what I want. I know that nothing is impossible and lots of greater things can be achieved, if only I want to do it. Somehow, this fear is stopping me.

This fear is making all sorts of unreasonable excuses for not following my heart. My passion. My dreams.

If only I am able to develop that motivation and strength to push me towards that first step to my dreams…

If only.... maybe..... someday......... these are words said for comforting oneself"
Someday I will achieve it.
Someday I am really going to do it. Maybe I will be happy.
Someday when I achieve it, I will be happy.
One day.
What if that someday doesn't exist?
Life is unpredictable; you'll never know what's coming next.

That someday is right now.

Maybe what I truly need right now is to get away from the congested city to another place, to take my attention from all these confusing make-believe career that people has been feeding me with and truly search the answer from within.

Yes! I need a getaway vacation! Badly!

Another excuse to refrain from facing that important decision-making task and a very obvious "someday" syndrome.

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